True Crime Stories: Sam is Shot

Dear Murderer,

I just got the call that you had Sam shot last night.

I know you were laughing to yourself picturing in

your mind how I would react to the news that my

"star" witness against you had been killed.


I'm laughing to myself picturing in my mind how

you're going to react when you learn that you failed.

You didn't kill him. It was Sam who called me.


I thought you were smarter than this, murderer. Let's

review some basics of Murder 101:


(1) If you're going to have someone killed, have your

hit man shoot the victim in the head or, like you did

Andre, shoot him so many times that he can't possibly

survive.


Your boy shot Sam in the ass, you dumb-ass. The

bullet went in one cheek and out the other. What,

were you using your "B" team last night?


(2) Don't have someone known to the victim do the hit.

Sam has already picked Rambo out of a lineup, moron.

Rambo's going to get arrested momentarily.


(3) Make sure there's no link between the hit man and

you. You know what Rambo said to Sam before he shot

him? "You snitchin'." Who's Sam snitchin' on?


Red, you better hope Rambo isn't soft. When the

police arrest him, they're going to ask "Why'd you

do it? What did you mean when you said 'You

snitchin'.?" If he hands you up, I've got a new

witness! Think of the irony: you go to have one of my

witnesses offed and, instead of leaving me with no

witnesses, I end up with two!


Sorry if I spoiled your Sunday, murderer. Have a nice

day.