Tuesday, September 29, 2015

National Hopeless League.


North America's National Hockey League is the worst run of the four major professional sports groupings. Always has been. Hockey is a distant fourth in popularity in the U.S. but of course is the most popular among our beloved neighbors to the north. The NHL has thirty teams, seven in Canada.

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery the saying goes, also of jealousy it says here, and for years the NHL has attempted to imitate professional basketball with the hope that some of the NBA's golden lustre would rub off. The NHL has expanded into warm weather locales and avoided the True North and it has gotten burned but not golden.

Now this exasperating dowager is coyly doing its expansion dance again, flirting outrageously and playing hard to get by setting a fee of $500 million for a mate in hopes of increasing its desirability. Potential suitors became wallflowers instead and the NHL embarrassingly was left with only two live ones, Las Vegas and Quebec City and three choices: Las Vegas, Quebec City, Las Vegas and Quebec City. The NHL would have died for Seattle, requiting its NBA lust, but Seattle wouldn't dance. The NBA has flirted with Vegas in the past and where the NBA flirts, the NHL mates. The Head Office likes Vegas, it givea them a thrill, as did Atlanta, twice, Miami, Tampa Bay, Raleigh, North Carolina and Phoenix, Arizona among failures or near-failures. Las Vegas is in this regard if no other, virgin territory, for professional sport has never set up shop there but with league approval the ownership group has gotten deposits for 13,000 some season tickets.

Quebec City dwarfs Las Vegas in every measure except bikinis and casinos. It's ownership is Quebecor the communications conglomerate that dominates the province, has more money than God, a huge, spanking new arena that is open for business and a fan base lusting after a return of the national pastime. Quebec City had a major professional hockey team from 1972-1995, the first seven of those years in the World Hockey Association, the last sixteen in the NHL. The Nordiques were rabidly supported but fell victim to the declining Canadian dollar and moved to Denver after 1995.

The return of the beloved Nordiques to Quebec is literally a no-brainer, Las Vegas represents a leap of faith and leaps have not been kind to the NHL but they have no brains so Quebec City is getting a sideways glance where Vegas is getting the batting of eyelashes. Mindless.

The league has extracted a $2 million non-refundable expansion deposit from its suitors, chump change for Quebecor, but today "Gary" "Bettman" the non compos mentis "leader" of the NHL, after Vegas and Quebec went through the third stage of the dance, formal presentations to the league, this Bettman guy had the audacity to say after the presentations today,

"We are in the process of gathering information. There have been no deliberations as to whether or not we want to expand, how many teams, or where. There's much work to be done."

No deliberations on whether or not we want to expand. Oh really? So those non-refundable expansion fees, that Las Vegas ticket drive, those are just the price these guys have to pay to buy you a drink, huh Gary? If Bettman weren't so stupid you'd have to admire his gall but he is so you don't.

Bettman, you are down to your last dance, partner. If you don't bring the Nordiques back to Quebec,
prepare for your worst nightmare. Twice before the NHL panic-expanded to head off competing
leagues. In 1967 it doubled in size to block the minor league Western Hockey League, with clubs in major cities like San Francisco and Los Angeles, from becoming major. That preemptive strike worked. Then two years later it added Buffalo and Vancouver and two years after that put a second team in the New York City area and another in Atlanta, all to corner markets targeted by the incipient World Hockey Association. That attempt at preemption failed and the WHA was born. Nate Silver the statistics guru of fiverhirtyeight estimates that Canada could support five to seven additional NHL clubs, among them Quebec City. Six teams makes a league, six teams was the NHL from 1942-1967. You took too many pucks up side the head Gary and they've knocked some gray matter loose. If you must, knock yourself out further in the desert, buddy, but if you stiff Quebec City and Quebecor that is a decision you will regret but once and that is continuously. Say hello, Gary, to the six-team Canadian Hockey League and good luck in Glendale, Sunrise, Las Vegas and along Tobacco Road, you boob.