Me: 😂RIGHT! that's what i do now to females!
“ I couldda gotten any guy to come home with me “
Me: "i could have called any guy. if you want to take me home right now you can." [the exact quote] 🤷♂️
Me: if i had had any self-respect i woulda fucking taken her sweet pussy back home, but i was on the causeway and couldn't turn around anyway.
you called ME, bitch. i was just about to microwave a steak and my fucking phone rings and it's you "wanting to be with me tonight." what is your FUCKING problem?!
...
Me: like bill [a mutual friend] said "they all have snakes in their brains."
Dan: Why were you microwaving a steak ?
...
Me. fuck the puss (metaphorically speaking)
Dan: Same reason you got no refrigerator
Who needs to bother with pots and pans when i got a microwave right here
Dan (asking again)Why were you microwaving a steak ?
Me. I WAS ABOUT TO HAVE A NICE, PEACEFUL, SNAKE-FREE FRIDAY NIGHT DINNER!
Me: "oh david your hand feels so good!"
Dan: Objection
Non responsive
I am micro focused on the microwave of a piece of steak
Me: oh yes, didn't see. you love food; to me, food and bowel movements are just things i have to do. so yeah, why broil in my oven when i have microwave?
Dan quoting me: fuck the puss (metaphorically speaking)
Take the puss were his words
Me: no, i mean, "the hell with pussy."
Dan: Ohhh
👍
Me: i should have been a 'mo.
Dan: You really don’t enjoy a good meal at a good restaurant do you ?
Me: no
like right now i'm tired and perfectly content to stay in my bed with eleven, but nooo. i have to go out to get food.
Dan: Ok ok I get it less time for Proust
You could read three of his sentences by the time you eat
Me: i wouldn't go to a fancy hotel lobby when i have to shit. why would i go to a fancy restaurant for another necessary, time-wasting bodily function? plus, i don't have to talk to anyone when i shit. i prefer shitting to eating.
...
Me: PLUS I DON'T HAVE TO PAY TO TAKE A SHIT!
Me: a couple of times i've gone to the latin for breakfast with a book. i'm reading and some guy or a woman comes up to me. "what are you reading?" the guy: "that book in english?" like could i be any more clear that i came here to fill my gullet and leave? guy, girl, you think this is my sign i want company and spend a fucking hour talking to a stranger? i don't get it. did they think the book was my company lure? does it make me mysterious? [second ex making her move]: i was covering depos for a dc through lunch. i was famished. went over to cozzoli's at like 1:30, took the times with me, sat at the furthest table with my back to the rest of the restaurant. "anything interesting in the times today, david?"
Me. i get the same thing at both places everytime i go--so i don't have to interact even with the staff. i pay as soon as i place my order--bc i don't want to waste more time. food is strictly functional to me.
Dan: 😂😂😂😂
-30-
Good night
