Boy. "Cowboys" have had a weird season. They ooze talent yet are 6-7 and are still coached by Jason Garrett who must have physical evidence of Jerry Jones with a live boy or a dead girl. Today however this exasperating, underperforming team is blowing out a good, 8-5, St. Louis team. 31-7, only half way through 3Q but, call me a premature ink ejaculator, I'm calling this one for Dallas.

I love Cleveland. I love Cleveland because schadenfreude makes me prematurely ejaculate. I mean, come on, if you get off on other people's pain, the city of Cleveland is your favorite whore house: They the "Cavaliers," the "Indians," the "Browns," a masochistic professional victim fan base, weeping sports writers. The "Browns" are a precise miniature of the entire city: distilled failure. A pre-season Super Bowl dark horse, projected by the local pencils to finish no worse than 10-6 and as good as 12-4 are, in reality, 6-7. They are playing at dreadful (3-9-1) Arizona today. Lock, Cleveland. No, Hairy Boner is buggering Cleveland's brown 38-17 with under 5' to play. 38-17. By God, that puts lead in my pencil.