What is a nickname that captures the essence of the Boston "Celtics"? Team Amnesia, hmm. Team Mercury, because you can't pin them down. Chameleon? Amoeba? Look at the Boston box score from Game One:
Ime Udoka played FOURTEEN GUYS, five of them for ONE MINUTE. See, he's fucking with your head. You're like, "WHAT THE FUCK?" Udoka is making Steve Kerr think if only for a minute, taking Kerr's mind away from the bigger picture, to think, "Okay, M. Fitts...What's our defense for M. Fitts?" It's right there with my night thought that Erik Spoelstra should start Udonis Haslem in Game 6. You think it's just a coincidence that J. Morgan, M. Fitts, S. Hauser, A. Nesmith and N. Stauskas played ONE MINUTE? You're nuts if you do. Udoka may have had them in there as a unit. ...I mean, there are five of them, they did play the exact one minute. That would like short-circuit the normal brain. Whether it was one at a time or five at once it's meant to distract the opposing coach and players. What is the one thing you hear--Duncan Robinson is a good example--all pro athletes say? "He's thinking too much." Players play best when they can just play, not when they have to think and play. Ime Udoka is one HELLUVA coach, I'll tell you what.
So that's the first thing. The second thing about the Boston box score, what everybody focuses on with stupendously good reason is Jayson Tatum's line: 3/17 (1/5), 12 points. Remember PAR? PAR is subpar. Who. The. FUCK. would think Tatum would go 3/17 and the "Celts" WIN by 15?! When I first checked the box score that night Tatum was 2/11. I don't remember who was winning. When I next checked ESPN Boston was near the end of 40-16 and I was so astounded I assumed Tatum went off in the 4th quarter but didn't like check. Well, he fucking didn't go off. Who went off? Jaylen Brown right? Had a nice game, Jaylen, but no. Marcus Smart? One of the fucking Williamses? NO. AL-THE-FUCK-HORFORD WENT OFF. TEAM HIGH 26 POINTS! 59 YEAR-OLD AL-THE-FUCK-HORFORD! The fucking CENTER shot 6/8 from Oakland! The CENTER was a Splash Brother! The CENTER had only six rebounds the whole fucking game.The CENTER was outrebounded by the shooting guard. You think Steve Kerr game-planned for Al-Fucking-Horford to morph into a Splash Brother? I think not.
It messes with your head, man. If you have to THINK, "We have to stop Al Horford from downtown", you're FUCKED! What "lessons" do you take from that 4th quarter, Steph Curry? Leave Jayson Tatum unguarded to clamp down on Al-The-ICBM-Horford?
What nickname to give them? Team Jelly--you can't nail them to the wall? I don't know. I don't think Step or Steve Kerr know what to make of them either.