NYTPitchbot

NYTPitchbot

@DougJBalloon

Pam Bondi has learned her lesson. 

by Susan Collins

1:38 PM · Apr 2, 2026

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23.4K

 Views

@DougJBalloon

Die Another Day  

Bond girl Bondi thought that AGs were forever, but those Epstein pics of Dr. Donald with pussy galore were supposed to be for her eyes only.  Could this thin thunderball land another gig on his majesty's secret service?  Never say never.  

by Maureen Dowd

1:35 PM · Apr 2, 2026

·18.9K Views

Public Occurrences April 2, 2026

Florida Bimbo Pamela Jo Bondi Fired

In his 9-year career...

The "Heat" decimal win percentage is .531, which equates to an average 44-38 record every year. With five games left in the 2025/26 season their win % decimal is .519, projecting to 43-39.

Miami is 3-8 since Bam's 83

83, 3-8: Is that a coincidence?

The "Heat" are undefeated when Bam Adebayo scores over 80 points

FT Lo-Places 129 Green Beans 147

Ain't no D in Miami, "Heat", or Culture. Beans shot 58%, 48% from Biscayne Blvd.

Lo-Places 12-0 end 3Q, 102-112, End 3 :o

 Hunter Bailey

@Hunter_Bailey45

The Celtics might put 200 on Miami

8:10 PM · Apr 1, 2026

·59 Views

😅 BEANSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

On pace to score 212 POINTS. Lo-Places 33-53, end 1Q. LoloLo-Places!

Lo-Places vs Beans (-4.5), Bleak House, 7:30 bells

Public Occurrences April Fool's Day 2026

Florida Man to Make Announcement

###

‘I Don’t Care About That’: Trump Says Iran’s Enriched Uranium Is Not a Concern because "it's so far underground."

President Trump’s statement was the second time in 24 hours that he had declared that the nuclear problem with Iran had been solved, despite all evidence to the contrary.

NYT

Because "it's SO FAR UNDERGROUND"! Nooo, Trumpie!!!!😂

Prediction

Iran will assassinate Trump.

It could be before his term is up. Or it could be after. But they will get him.

Among the multitude of "norms" that Trump has broken, the assassination of heads of state is the norm de guerre here.

For All the World to See, This is Who the American People Are

AMERICANS! THEY'RE LAUGHING AT YOU! IRAN IS TROLLING YOU!

The United States of America is in serious discussions with A NEW, AND MORE REASONABLE, REGIME to end our Military Operations in Iran. 

Great progress has been made but, if for any reason a deal is not shortly reached, which it probably will be, and if the Hormuz Strait is not immediately ‘Open for Business,’ we will conclude our lovely ‘stay’ in Iran by blowing up and completely obliterating all of their Electric Generating Plants, Oil Wells and Kharg Island (and possibly all desalinization plants!). This will be in retribution for our many soldiers, and others, that Iran has butchered and killed over the old Regime’s 47 year 'Reign of Terror'.

-The Toilet Peoples President. The instantiation of who the American people are, for all the world to see.

Toilet People! Iran "Bursts Out Laughing At" at Bum Trump and You

"Give me your tired, your poor, / Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, / The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. / Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me, / I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"

America is built on those worn out. not able to make a living elsewhere, and homeless. Americans are combined wretched refuse of others gathering hopeless on others' shores, taken in by this new country that needed bodies, able or not, intelligence and morals irrelevant. America has accumulated 200 years of garbage and are thrilled to elect one of their own. Garbage does not take itself out and toilets do not flush rhemselves. A new species of humanity, the ignorant, easily fooled Toilet People have taken root, flowered and spread their pestilent seed all across the land. Americans are the worst of the worst, laughed at by Iran, at the United Nations, by the world, who would flush them if they could, and may yet.

They are "marks", easily fooled, ignorant dullards. The world sees.

Bruh, did you see all the splosions? America, fuck yeah!

Because American marks might be fooled by this, but the world’s political, military, and economic leaders wouldn’t be.

The world LAUGHS at them:

[The president chosen by the American people twice] also jabbed at Ireland’s President Catherine Connolly, when asked about her criticism that the U.S. and Israeli operations have been “deliberate assaults on international law.”

“Look, he’s lucky I exist,” Trump said of Connolly, who is a woman.

Associated Press, March 17, 2026

"Big hitter, the Lama"

The Iran war is "a big chess game at a very high level — very high-level chess, the highest.”😂

Not since the swiss-cheese brain of Idi Amin has any nation's leader been so mocked for his cognitive deficits. Never has a people so convincingly proved themselves too stupid to make democracy work than has the American people. They chose (twice) the Caddyshack president, The Apprentice president, the Saturday Night Live regular. Americans truly are the "wretched refuse" of humanity, as their national statue is inscribed. The world would be a cleaner, safer place if these Toilet People and the Toilet Nation they comprise were flushed from the surface of the Earth.

Trump says US may strike Iran’s Kharg Island oil export hub ‘just for fun’

(...and always have been)

March 3, 2026, 2:41 pm:

Pressed for answers on Iran, Trump is betrayed by his limited attention span

Monday offered the president an opportunity to explain and justify the war he’d started. He appeared far more interested in the White House decor.

Feb. 21, 2026, 6:17 pm:

"There's hatred there."--Brady Tkachuk, Team USA on Team Canada, who play for the Olympic gold medal tomorrow.

Trump throws a temper tantrum after tariff loss

NPR

It is who we always have been. 

As the Chief Justice put it, "Having just fought a revolution motivated in large part by taxes imposed on them" by the King of England without their consent...

The most absurd cause of revolution in the history of humanity. Born in a temper tantrum, die in a temper tantrum.

 

And on...

[Trump's racist Obama meme is] something which had, for many years, been confined to the dustbin of history, while still very much a part of the vocabulary of white supremacists.

But something has changed.

Maybe it's social media, maybe it's something else, but something has changed. We are in a new reality where, for more than 12 hours, Trump's White House thought this was OK.

sky.com (UK)

On and on...

Trump: "I looked at the beginning of it. It was fine. Nobody knew that that was at the end."

When asked if he would apologize for an overtly racist video clip of the Obamas posted on President Trump's Truth Social, the president said Friday, "No, I didn't make a mistake."

Trump said he looks at "thousands of things" when he spoke to reporters on Air Force One en route to Palm Beach.

Iran War Cost Tracker

https://iran-cost-ticker.com/

Public Occurrences March 31, 2026

               IRAN WON! 

Trump to Announce in APRIL FOOL'S Address😅 9 pm:

• U.S. to End War Unilaterally
• No "Unconditional Surrender"
• No "Deal"
• No Regime Change
• No Permanent End to Iran Nuclear Program
• No Opening Strait of Hormuz
• Only 3,000+ Killed
• Only $37 Billion+ Cost

Other than that it was a U.S. win, just ask him.

And He Ran, He Ran So Far Away. From Iran, He Ran All…

You can just abandon things.

William Kristol, Andrew Egger, and Jim Swift

Mar 31, 2026

Retreat By Any Other Name

by William Kristol

For what it’s worth—and keep in mind, this newsletter is free—here’s my speculation, as of early Tuesday morning, March 31, about where Donald Trump is heading on Iran.

Where he’s heading is toward the exits.

...

All in all, it seems more likely than not that Trump plans on walking away rather than escalating. I think this would be a less bad outcome of this reckless and feckless “excursion” than introducing ground troops. But it will still be a bad outcome for the United States and the world. And I’m afraid it won’t be the last bad outcome we’ll experience from having an unbelievably irresponsible individual as our president.

...

What’s the best word for what Trump is doing here? Retreat? Surrender?

Trump Tells Aides He’s Willing to End War Without Reopening Hormuz

Administration officials assess that forcing the waterway back open would mean extending the military mission

WASHINGTON—President Trump told aides he’s willing to end the U.S. military campaign against Iran even if the Strait of Hormuz remains largely closed, administration officials said, likely extending Tehran’s firm grip on the waterway...

Trump: No deal needed to end the war, Iran won’t be able to obtain a nuke ‘for years’

“No, they don’t have to make a deal,” Trump says in response to the question in the Oval Office.

“When we feel that they are… put into the stone ages and won’t be able to come up with a nuclear weapon, then we’ll leave whether we have a deal or not,” Trump says. “It’s irrelevant now.”

It’s unclear if the US unilaterally ceases fire that Iran would follow suit.😆

Trump...said earlier Tuesday that he isn’t focused on Tehran’s stockpiles of highly-enriched uranium, so it’s unclear what else Trump is looking to accomplish militarily.😂

..."in a fairly short period of time, we’ll be finished, and they will not be able to do a nuclear weapon for years,” he continues.

“Maybe in a long time from now, [they’ll be] able to do a nuclear weapon, you ’ll have a president [who] will be like me, and he will go there and knock the hell out of them again,” Trump says, acknowledging that the ongoing war with Iran may not be definitive.

Just three weeks ago, Trump had made a nearly opposite statement, saying that he wanted to “make sure that we don’t have to go back every 10 years, when you don’t have a president like me that’s not going to do it.”

What a buffoon. 

What a liar. 

What a coward. 

What a non compos mentis fool. 

What an asshole. 

The worst president in U.S. history hands down. The worst leader in the West since the end of World War II. The worst, most dangerous, most comical leader of any nation since Idi Amin.

8:54 am:

Trump Tells Aides He’s Willing to End War Without Reopening Hormuz

Administration officials assess that forcing the waterway back open would mean extending the military mission

Wally

"Start Learning to Fight for Yourselves"!

"All of those countries that can't get jet fuel because of the Strait of Hormuz, like the United Kingdom, which refused to get involved in the decapitation of Iran, I have a suggestion for you: Number 1, buy from the U.S., we have plenty, and Number 2, build up some delayed courage, go to the Strait, and just TAKE IT," Trump wrote on Truth Social.

He added that the U.K. and other countries will have "to start learning how to fight for yourself, the U.S.A. won't be there to help you anymore, just like you weren't there for us."

"Go get your own oil!" 

"France has been VERY UNHELPFUL with respect to the 'Butcher of Iran' who has been successfully eliminated! The U.S.A. will REMEMBER!!!"

Ax

"I break it, you fix it." What about Iz, 9/11 Land, UAE, et al, Dumb Fuck? Do they have to start learning to fight for themselves?

State of the Middle East End March 31, 2026

 

The Atlanta Majestic Soaring Birds of Prey, formerly the Pigeons, ne "Hawks" drafted star Trae Young with the fifth pick in the 2018 NBA draft. Young became a four-time All-Star and third team All-NBA point guard with Atlanta. In his eight full season Young averaged 25.2 points per game.

But Atlanta went only 221-272 over Young's career. On January 9, 2026 Atlanta traded him to the the Washington Lizards, formerly the "Wizards, ne "Bullets" in exchange for CJ McCollum and Corey Kispert. 

It is conventional wisdom in evaluating trades involving multiple players that the team that gets the best player wins. Five cups of weak coffee do not make a pot of strong coffee. By this measure, D.C. won the trade. The Lizards are tanking and have shut Young down for the season in pursuit of the abyss. McCollum has averaged 19.5 ppg over a thirteen-year career, and is 34 years old. Kispert, 27, is a career 10.9 guy.

But the CW was wrong this time. The trade of Young was addition by subtraction for Atlanta. 19-21 at the time of the trade they have soared to a 24-12 record without him and the sixth spot, in the playoffs without having to go through the play-in, in the Middle East. Atlanta won this trade.

Streets of Minneapolis, Bruce Springsteen

 Through the winter's ice and cold

Down Nicollet Avenue

A city aflame fought fire and ice

'Neath an occupier's boots

King Trump's private army from the DHS

Guns belted to their coats

Came to Minneapolis to enforce the law

Or so their story goes

[Verse 2]

Against smoke and rubber bullets

In the dawn's early light

Citizens stood for justice

Their voices ringin' through the night

And there were bloody footprints

Where mercy should have stood

And two dead, left to die on snow-filled streets

Alex Pretti and Renée Good

[Chorus]

Oh, our Minneapolis, I hear your voice

Singing through the bloody mist

We'll take our stand for this land

And the stranger in our midst

Here in our home, they killed and roamed

In the winter of '26

We'll remember the names of those who died

On the streets of Minneapolis

[Verse 3]

Trump's federal thugs beat up on

His face and his chest

Then we heard the gunshots

And Alex Pretti lay in the snow dead

Their claim was self-defense, sir

Just don't believe your eyes

It's our blood and bones

And these whistles and phones

Against Miller and Noem's dirty lies

[Chorus]

Oh, our Minneapolis, I hear your voice

Crying through the bloody mist

We'll remember the names of those who died

On the streets of Minneapolis

[Harmonica Solo]

[Verse 4]

Now they say they're here to uphold the law

But they trample on our rights

If your skin is black or brown, my friend

You can be questioned or deported on sight

In our chants of "ICE out now"

Our city's heart and soul persists

Through broken glass and bloody tears

On the streets of Minneapolis

[Chorus]

Oh, our Minneapolis, I hear your voice

Singing through the bloody mist

Here in our home, they killed and roamed

In the winter of '26

We'll take our stand for this land

And the stranger in our midst

We'll remember the names of those who died

On the streets of Minneapolis

We'll remember the names of those who died

On the streets of Minneapolis

[Outro]

ICE out (ICE out)

ICE out (ICE out)

ICE out (ICE out)

ICE out (ICE out)

ICE out (ICE out)

ICE out

FT Low Places 119 Seven Inch Sixers 109. I SAY RUN IT BACK NEXT YEAR!

14-0 RUN OVER LAST 2:19!

LOW PLACES ARE WINNING A BASKETBALL GAME :o

Irrelevance Cup, 74-65, 6:44 3rd

Irrelevance Cup end 1Q: MIA 38 PHIL. 34

Low Places 23 Seven Inch Sixers 20, 5:23 1Q

Unfortunately, Phila. is healthy and whole. Unfortunately Mia. is healthy and whole. There is no fucking way we are going to win this game.

Public Occurrences March 30, 2026

This is huge:

Gulf allies privately make the case to Trump to keep fighting until Iran is decisively defeated

WASHINGTON (AP) — Gulf allies of the United States, led by Saudi Arabia and the United Arab Emirates, are urging President Donald Trump to continue prosecuting the war against Iran, arguing that Tehran hasn’t been weakened enough by the monthlong U.S.-led bombing campaign, according to U.S., Gulf and Israeli officials.

...

Officials from Saudi Arabia, United Arab Emirates, Kuwait and Bahrain have conveyed in private conversations that they do not want the military operation to end until there are significant changes in the Iranian leadership or there’s a dramatic shift in Iranian behavior, according to the officials, who were not authorized to comment publicly and spoke on the condition of anonymity.

AP

Why can't any fucking country in the Middle East handle their own security problems? Why is it the U.S. that is always dragged in? 

8:10 am:

The United States of America is in serious discussions with A NEW, AND MORE REASONABLE, REGIME to end our Military Operations in Iran. 

Great progress has been made but, if for any reason a deal is not shortly reached, which it probably will be, and if the Hormuz Strait is not immediately ‘Open for Business,’ we will conclude our lovely ‘stay’ in Iran by blowing up and completely obliterating all of their Electric Generating Plants, Oil Wells and Kharg Island (and possibly all desalinization plants!). This will be in retribution for our many soldiers, and others, that Iran has butchered and killed over the old Regime’s 47 year 'Reign of Terror'.

-The Toilet Peoples Choice. An example to the world of the kind of people Americans are.

Criminal Occurrences

 413,793 KitKat candy bars stolen en route from Italy to Poland

“Whilst we appreciate the criminals’ exceptional taste, the fact remains that cargo theft is an escalating issue for businesses of all sizes,” KitKat said in a statement.

AP

Public Occurrences March 29 2026

Israel’s military suspends deployment of battalion involved in West Bank incident with CNN

A photojournalist was placed in a chokehold and slammed to the ground and rifles were pointed at the team, which was documenting the aftermath of a settler attack in the area.

Israel’s government is pressing ahead with new settlements in the occupied West Bank and attacks by settlers have intensified as attention shifts to the Iran war, Palestinian authorities say.

That is EXACTLY right. Trump's misadventure in Iran is the white phosphorous smokescreen that the Israeli fascist state is using, in the West Bank, and in Lebanon as well.

AP

3:03 pm:

8,000,000 at 3,000 Sites in all 50 U.S. States Protested Trump in No Kings Rallies Saturday

Five Reasons Sports 🏀🏈⚾️🏒⚽️

@5ReasonsSports

The Miami Heat had a stated goal this season:

Avoid the play-in.

They will now officially not avoid the play-in.

7:13 PM · Mar 29, 2026

###

No, that's not official. They are not eliminated.

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2,227

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