a friend has just nominated me for people magazine's list of the "twenty most eligible bachelors who are prosecutors."

PROFILE

name: benjamin harris

personal:

-forty-nine year old
-twice divorce (but one annuled so it doesn't count)
-father of two
-murder cases only, especially cold cases.

interests:

-women's fashion
-wild boar hunting
-art
-starting civilizational war.

accomplishments:

-made legal history by getting reversed for racial discrimination in jury selection.
-stopped by ski patrol for skiing too fast.
-kicked out of personal therapy for being "too difficult."

goals:

-flying a plane into that big square thing in mecca.

quotes:

-"blowjobs are like croissants, i'm not sure i've ever had a good one." (made to ex-wife numero dos)
-"if you were my wife i'd want one too," in replay to therapist's statement, "if i were your wife, i'd want a seperation."