Manchester United kicked off the EPL season yesterday (I didn't know that. Our quiet neighbors don't get much ink.) with a 2-1 home win over Lester and today we had the following results.

Hottsie Tottsie beat the Rooks Tyneside 2-1.

Swine Chelsea thrashed the Town 3-0 in the Town.

Shaken Not Stirred shot down the newbie Bluebirds 2-0.

Harry the Elk Hornet dined on the Seagulls 2-0.

Newbie Fulham fell at home to Child Porn 2-0.

Newbie Wolves drew at home with Everton 2-2.

Sunday, in addition to City at Arse, are Southampton-Burnley and Liverpool-West Ham.