"In a real dark night of the soul it is always three o'clock in the morning."
-F. Scott Fitzgerald
It is three o'clock in the morning my time and it is a disconcerted night of my soul. It is well that I should think of Shen Zhou rather than Fitzgerald:
"On a cold night sleep is very sweet. I woke in the middle of the night, my mind clear and untroubled, and as I was unable to go to sleep again, I put on my clothes and sat facing my flickering lamp. On the table were a few folders of books. I chose a volume at random and began to read, but tiring I put down the book and sat calmly doing nothing. A long rain had newly cleared, and a pale moon was shining through the window. All around was silence."
"Then after a long time absorbing the fresh brightness, I gradually became aware of sounds. Listening to the rustling of the wind stirring the bamboo gave one the feeling of going bravely and unwaveringly onward. Hearing the harsh snarling of dogs gave feelings of barring out evil, of opposing marauders. Hearing the sound of drums, large and small--the small ones thin, and the far ones clear and deep and uninterrupted--stirred restless thoughts that were lonely and sad. The official drum was very close, from three beats, to four and then five, gradually faster, hastening the dawn.
Suddenly in the northeast the sound of a bell, a bell pure and clean through rain-cleared air, and hearing it, came thoughts of waiting for the dawn, rising and doing. It was inevitable."
"My nature is such as to enjoy sitting in the night. So I often spread a book under the lamp going back and forth over it, usually stopping at the second watch. Man's clamor is not at rest, and yet the mind is bent on learning. Seldom does he find the outside calm and the inner world at peace."
"Now tonight all sounds and shapes bring this stability and calm. Thus can one purify the mind and spirit and realize one's will. But one should remember that it is not that at other times these sounds and shapes do not exist like this, nor that they do not reach the eye and ear of man, but that appearance is the servant of a thing, and yet hastens to follow it."
"True perception through hearing lies concealed in sound like that of a drum and bell, whereas perception through seeing is hidden in any pattern. Thus things usually harm rather help men. Often is it like tonight's sounds and shapes, for they are really no different from other times, and yet striking the ear and eye they become so firmly and wonderfully a part of me. And so this existence of sounds and patterns is not what prevents me from gaining wisdom; for things are not enough to enslave men."
"When sound is broken and shape shattered and the will rises free, what is this will? Is it within? Or is it without? Or is it in a thing? Or does it cause the thing to be? Is there not a way of defining the difference? Most certainly, and I perceive the difference."
"How great is the strength to be gained sitting in the night. Thus, cleansing the mind, waiting alone through the long watches by the light of the candle becomes the basis of an inner peace and of an understanding of things. This, surely, I will attain."
"On a cold night sleep is very sweet. I woke in the middle of the night, my mind clear and untroubled, and as I was unable to go to sleep again, I put on my clothes and sat facing my flickering lamp. On the table were a few folders of books. I chose a volume at random and began to read, but tiring I put down the book and sat calmly doing nothing. A long rain had newly cleared, and a pale moon was shining through the window. All around was silence."
"Then after a long time absorbing the fresh brightness, I gradually became aware of sounds. Listening to the rustling of the wind stirring the bamboo gave one the feeling of going bravely and unwaveringly onward. Hearing the harsh snarling of dogs gave feelings of barring out evil, of opposing marauders. Hearing the sound of drums, large and small--the small ones thin, and the far ones clear and deep and uninterrupted--stirred restless thoughts that were lonely and sad. The official drum was very close, from three beats, to four and then five, gradually faster, hastening the dawn.
Suddenly in the northeast the sound of a bell, a bell pure and clean through rain-cleared air, and hearing it, came thoughts of waiting for the dawn, rising and doing. It was inevitable."
"My nature is such as to enjoy sitting in the night. So I often spread a book under the lamp going back and forth over it, usually stopping at the second watch. Man's clamor is not at rest, and yet the mind is bent on learning. Seldom does he find the outside calm and the inner world at peace."
"Now tonight all sounds and shapes bring this stability and calm. Thus can one purify the mind and spirit and realize one's will. But one should remember that it is not that at other times these sounds and shapes do not exist like this, nor that they do not reach the eye and ear of man, but that appearance is the servant of a thing, and yet hastens to follow it."
"True perception through hearing lies concealed in sound like that of a drum and bell, whereas perception through seeing is hidden in any pattern. Thus things usually harm rather help men. Often is it like tonight's sounds and shapes, for they are really no different from other times, and yet striking the ear and eye they become so firmly and wonderfully a part of me. And so this existence of sounds and patterns is not what prevents me from gaining wisdom; for things are not enough to enslave men."
"When sound is broken and shape shattered and the will rises free, what is this will? Is it within? Or is it without? Or is it in a thing? Or does it cause the thing to be? Is there not a way of defining the difference? Most certainly, and I perceive the difference."
"How great is the strength to be gained sitting in the night. Thus, cleansing the mind, waiting alone through the long watches by the light of the candle becomes the basis of an inner peace and of an understanding of things. This, surely, I will attain."
