Have you ever wondered, "Where is Shakhtar Donetsk from and why do they wear mud-colored uniforms?"

No? Well, I'm going to tell you anyhow. Shakhtar Donetsk is from Donetsk. Not from Shakhtar. Donetsk is in Ukraine. I don't know what Shakhtar means. Shakhtar however is not playing in Donetsk. Why, you don't ask? On accounta the Rooski invasion of eastern Ukraine in 2014. Shakhtar had to move to Lviv, which is 621 miles away, which is also in Ukraine, in 2014. Which made for a tough commute for fannies. So in 2017 Shakhtar moved to Kharkiv, which is "only" 155 miles away, which is also in Ukraine and have played ever since in Kharkiv's famed Metalist Stadium.

I know, cause I looked it up on the Wikipedia, that Shakhtar's nickname is "The miners." Which may explain the mud unis. Fannies of Donetsk are called "the moles." Which, okay, I get that, it wouldn't be my first choice for a nickname if I were a fannie of Shakhtar but to each his own mud.

Today however, right now actually, the miners play in Manchester at Etihad (which means "together," "join in one;" "united" is another translation. Which is unfortunate.) Stadium where the moles may have the run of the place since Cityzens don't care for the Champions League and don't care where Shakhtar Donetsk is from.