I didn’t do it last night I know. I was tired after taking pictures of the Great Confluence which I thought we were trying to see Pittsburgh but it was Jupiter and Saturn.

So this is two days worth but the “weekend reporting days," Sunday, Monday. What was the total Sunday night like 311k? Okay, so...let’s see...Okay first of all you know I suck at this...Okay, where were we ~2.5k-3k, right? Our daily high i...Oh, I’m gonna step on my dick again...The daily high was like 3.6k. Okay. Two weekend reporting days...1.8k per reasonable. 3.6k total onto the 311k I remember...THIS IS BASED ON MY MEMORY OKAY! If my memory is wrong then this is going to be wrong okay! You can’t jump in my phoof if I remember bad you make me sick. So that would be 314.6. I’m allowed to round up. 315. I’m allowed a margin of error. I’m going to use my RIGHT to a margin of error fuck you and make it my official prediction, 317k. I’m afraid to look. You can’t laugh at me! Swine. Okay here goes...

322,585 Eeee!

HOLY SHIT!

WtF?!

1,596 Sunday and 1,609 Monday. That’s UNDER what I predicted! Was my memory wrong of the base? Une momento...Ooh it was. My memory was BAD! YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO GIVE ME SHIT FOR FAULTY MEMORY I’M 65 YEARS OLD! The total Sunday night was 317,667, why the fuck did I think 311k. Anyway, that’s where we are fuck YOU!

The Timesies ave’s: oh wait a minute. When I google nytimes coronavirus the first story that comes up at the newspaper of record in that dying sex-obsessed city is

The Joys of Frivolous Sex

The pandemic has brought out a nasty puritanism.

Oh my God. Okay, Quasis, this is what I want you to do. Tonight when your mommy goes to sleep I want you to sneak a pair of her panties into the bathroom, put them on your head and JERK OFF ALL OVER YOUR OWN FACE!

So doing a no-read over the Times’s compelling new “nasty puritanism” piece let’s decamp to the COVID 7-day averages, shall we? We shall.

Cases are walking drunk again wiggling up and down, down and up, they’re wiggling unsteadily at ~216k/day for the last three iterations.

Deaths had a teeny-weeny drop in the Dec 18 iteration but have risen the three consecutive its of Dec 19, 20, and 21, not big, but clear it rises.

14-day changes: I like! Especially given the alternative.

+7% Cases. Been awhile since the increase in Cases has been in single digits. 👏🏻

+13% Hospitalizations. Low d-d’s. One hand clap.

+16% Deaths. That gets a one-hander too.

Not bad overall. Not the worst certainly.

Harris out.