Thursday, July 27, 2017

Twitter in Trouble, Again

Man, that damn thing is so essential to news-aholics, every damn breaking story is reported first on Twitter, it's a shame.

The distress tweet was in their quarterly report. Advertising revenue down,--8%--it has gone down every year, they just cannot find a way to incorporate advertising on their platform; "zero growth" in users; the stock down 9% as a result. And this compared to Facebook: 70 million new users; 328 million isers rotal to Facebook's 2 billion.

Very too bad. I "get" Twitter, understand its niche; believe the character limit virtually created a new medium, like the headline, perfect for hilarious one-liners and serious news scoops. Obviously, I "get" blogger; never got Facebook.

I don't know. The universe will be an emptier place without Fauxpelini. There is no report that Twitter is going to go under and disappear but capitalism does that. Like the shark capitalism forces companies into a binary choice: keep moving forward or die. It is insane: there is no place for a thing with 328,000,000 "customers." It's gotta be 340,000,000 next year, 350,000,000 after that. Always forward. Stasis is death.

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Donald Trump’s Assault on Jeff Sessions

(Editorial Board formerly quasi-official New York Times)

Oh, puh-lease, Jeff Sessions is an "assault" victim we should feel sorry for? The earliest Senator to support the treasonous Russian puppet's candidacy? A racist, quasi-fascist like the rest of Trump's supporters? If that doesn't signal my feelings toward Sessions let me say that as I lie here in bed in my boxers and one of my neighbors pounded on my door and exclaimed, "Trump has set Sessions on fire outside your apartment door!" I would not be moved to get off my bed open my door, take my dick out of my boxers and piss on Sessions to extinguish the flames. You do NOT want to envision me doing that but it makes grossly apparent my point, I trust.

It is ugly what Trump has done, but everything Trump has done has been ugly, and doing ugly to Jeff Sessions is practically pretty in my eyes. As Marco Rubio said "The people got what they voted for in Trump." and Sessions was an early and prominent supporter. His reward was Attorney General. Enjoy it, General, has it been everything you had hoped?

I wish nothing but the utter ruin of Donald Trump, his family, his administration, and all of his supporters, and their families, and the way on this subject, Russia, is there any other?, I believe, is for the illegitimate Russian puppet and traitor to follow his instincts, to give in to his worst instincts, the only kind he has, to follow the advice of Republican cuckoldress Ann Coulter who advised De Facto to "be a man" and fire Sessions; and have his replacement, maybe that Russian female lawyer who met with cuckolded Kushner, who would then fire special counsel Bob Mueller and bring the constitutional crisis to a head. My guess is that would make Trump's impeachment a close, but not a sure, thing. If it failed Russian consolidation of rule over America 2.0 would tighten. It would be close but the cuckold is an impotent, insecure, fearful, cowardly creature and my guess is they would not impeach and convict and thus remove Trump. Not for being an American traitor, "a witting or unwitting tool of the Russian Federation," or for anything else. In that event, Marco Rubio's words apply too. Would there then be something like civil war? Oh, I doubt it. We, Democrats, real Americans--violence makes us squeamish, we dodged the draft in Vietnam; we don't own guns; our pens are mightier than our swords we tell ourselves because we are not and never have been swordsmen. We have our comfortable professional lives, we don't want to put any obstacles in the way of that promotion, or that raise, or getting our kids into the "best" schools, civil war is messy and we like predictable, predictable is best for our 401k's, what was that the French did with the Nazis, collaboration, Vichy or something? Could we do that? I think we could. Go along to get along. Maybe we could be like, what was that French guy, Sartre, we could keep our heads low and our bank accounts high and then if the Russians fuck up and we get the country back, hollowed out but still, at least we will have the buildings intact and can claim we too were victims and with our pens and our jobs and our investments, we at least survived. We survived, maybe prospered, but America is nothing to lose your common sense over. 

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Tuesday, July 25, 2017

I do have Trump Fatigue, I cannot write about anything related. And I now am self-disgusted over Kyrie Irving Fixation.

I need a break. Got to take stock of my life. Twenty-four hours. Unless something REALLY BIG happens I'm not writing anything for twenty-four hours
Kyrie Irving? I've written 15 million things on Kyrie Fucking Irving?
What am I doing?
At least according to Tim Reynolds, "the reputable Associated Press Heat and NBA writer," you can scratch Miami off Wojnarowski's list of a "more than a dozen" teams who are pursuing Kyrie Irving. Miami is "not interested," says Reynolds. Which is what I thought, and hoped. Even though Miami was one of Bugs' four preferred destinations.

Can we also write off San Antonio? Puh-lease, Irving is no more "a 'Spurs' guy" than he is "a 'Heat' guy." Greg Popovich and San Antone are not interested either.

Irving's list of four teams thus shows how out-of-touch his mind is. The idea of a list is irrelevant: he doesn't have a no-trade clause, Cleveland management can send him wherever they want. The other two teams on the list, Minnesota and New York, are rational landing spots; the "Knicks" are perfect in their similar muddledness.

Cleveland's best sportswriter, Bill Livingston, wrote that Irving's "ego" had gotten the best of his judgment. I disagree. Kyrie Irving is fragile, weak, mentally, his judgment bad. He constantly had to be propped up by LeBron James and David Griffin. He is afraid. Fear of LBJ leaving in 2018 was behind his trade request, not confidence, not ego. Fear interferes with good judgment, Irving has bad judgment. Irving's attributed reason for wanting to be traded is to be the lone star on a team. Then, good judgment would be to hope LBJ does leave in 2018; the "Cavaliers" undeniably would then be "his" team. 
Holy hell. James Conner, the inspirational former University of Pittsburgh tackle footballer, has not played a down in the NFL yet...yet the second best-selling NFL jersey at the nationwide Dick's Sporting Goods chain is...James Conner's. Behind only Tom Brady. HOLY hell.

Trump Fatigue

I was talking to my daughter over the weekend and she said she doesn't even read about Trump anymore. I didn't realize it at the time, but either do I. Just the headlines. I see the headlines, can't avoid those, but haven't read the articles. It's just a nightmare and they're just going to upset me.

Didn't realize at the time either but, haven't written anything about him either. "Why am I writing so much avout Kyrie Irving?" Trump fatigue.

Monday, July 24, 2017

Three Little Words: Bug Off Kyrie

Perhaps it was the head of the Cleveland Cavaliers' point guard that was flat, not Mother Earth...
A loser without LeBron

Irving's biggest conspiracy is the one he is waging by his trade request against the concept of basketball, which involves sharing the ball and subordinating the ego.
Why go back to the days when he proved he couldn't make a bad team a winner? That didn't happen until he played with LeBron James and learned from him.
Irving would skip [championship contention] to be the biggest man in the Lollipop Guild in an Emerald City of his choosing, which makes him a sucker for more than conspiracy theories.


If you’ve followed the NBA long enough, you know there is a decent amount of conjecture about the Miami HEAT organization and what it takes to be successful with the team. When a player puts that jersey on, there are certain standards and benchmarks that must be met.

That has never been an issue for Wayne Ellington. “I just feel like I’m a HEAT guy."
Just being able to get in that type of shape that’s the standard around here, and seeing those results for myself just allows me to elevate my game and I feel like I fit perfectly here.”

Now I, Benjamin Harris, could not have told you who Wayne Ellington was until, hmm, maybe March of this year. Still couldn't pick him out of a lineup. Of course I know now what an improvisational maestro he is. But I write now not of talent but of "culture", of "fit"..

Making Kyrie Irving-to-Heat happen would be personal triumph for Riley, who could use one

Pat Riley, if he can somehow make Kyrie Irving-to-the-Miami Heat happen, would remind those who’ve forgotten — and those who’ve begun to doubt it — that he is still an NBA rainmaker, a deal closer.
It stretches think Riley would hear Irving would woo the Heat and not respond with an aggressive play to get him. Riley in his career always has craved star power, basked in its glow, and here is a four-time All-Star point guard just now coming into the meat of his prime at 25, a man who averaged 25.2 points last season and shot 40 percent on three-pointers.
Is Irving perfect?


"A loser without LeBron"

           A pussy.

A cuckold


There are aspects to his game that might require some of that ballyhooed Heat “culture” to make better. He is a shoot-first point guard who would need to distribute more in Miami. He is not a great defensive player; that’s where coach Erik Spoelstra comes in.

Read more here:

...and, I say, I will be one surprised mother-fucker if Miami takes even a half-hearted swing at Flat Earth. He does not seem like "A HEAT Guy" at all to me. So, unless I am very much mistaken, and disappointed, there will be no stormy weather in Miami. I'm satisfied. Toodle-Oo Bed Bugs.

Dan Gilbert apologizes for 'See Detroit like we do' ad, featuring all white people

"Detroit is about 83 percent black and 10 percent white..."


Sunday, July 23, 2017

The Enduring Monument to We're Not All That

9M-MRO, the quintessence of humankind's ineptitude, the sine qua non of failure, the permanent antitdote to hubris. The answer to Job: yeah, you could make exquisite creatures, but you couldn't find Sixteen months of searching by the best and the brightest of our species and we cannot find a big ol' lunbering passenger plane with 239 souls on board. Whenever we puff our chests and crow, we should remember this, the greatest embarrassment in modern man's history.

Kyrie Irving is a Big Fat Idiot

I have written in the past of the occasional angst that comes with writing a thing called Public Occurrences...But it has been a long time. I hardly wrote about sports at all in the early years. "Toy department." I got over that, BOY did I get over that. The subject of this post brought back that old time angst feeling. "No, I won't do it. I have my standards! But then I thought this sporting public occurrence kerfluffle was too easy to defeat and...Eh, in for a dime in for a dollar.

Kyrie "The Earth is Flat" Irving is one of the lowest-IQ personages on this round earth. There is nobody who considers M Irving other than a moron. The easily defeated kerfluffle today from Camp Moron is that LeBron James leaked the story of Bed Bugs telling DevsDan he wanted to be traded.

So: LeBron James leaked a story that Kyrie Irving did not want to play with LeBron James anymore.

What Dr. Johnson once said is equally applicable to M Irving, "He is not merely stupid. He is the cause of stupidity in others."

What Mr. Justice Holmes wrote in upholding forced sterilization, "Three generations of embeciles are enough" is applicable to one generation of M Irving and his "camp."

America Does Not Work Anymore

Twelve hours, t-w-e-l-v-e hours, after my alarm went off this morning I am at my destination. A less than two hour flight was delayed four and one-half hours. On arrival it took the airport and airline another hour and a half to deliver our baggage. If I had started driving at 6:00 a.m. I would have arrived in less time than it took to fly: 11:08-12:00.
Is it an international call to God? I don't know if he's on my plan. Not an 800 number, right, of course not. Why did He do this to me? Ech, so many reasons.
Thunder and lightening :( 45 minute delay.
I feel like the Tin Man. I need 3-in-1 all over my body.
She's sitting with FOUR others of her kind. All but her have big heads, severe expressions, short hair. Eh, she's not pretty. Not troll-like just not pretty. Such a feminine figure and hair though. Tall, thin, red-pedicure (which I like), Mary Tyler Moore-length hair.
Another, different, God-like personage appears. On His phone too (?) What's his number, can you give me his number?
On the flight up she was with her partner. She's sans partner now. Maybe they broke up. 
There's an Ideal on the flight. On the flight up, too. But she plays on the other team.
Hi. Is God still available or is he preaching? If you could get through to him and just casually mention that I'm still here and my back is getting stiff.

I saw a pilot, who I took for God, and then a flight attendant, a saint I guess, but God then left after making a phone call...Which, I didn't think was a promising "sign," you know?
That was quick! Thank you. That praying shit really works? Damn. Now, we may not have to stop to refuel. Thank you. Which God? I will not abuse His favors, only in emergencies.
Now, the part matches and we will board in two hours. Could you pray for me?...It being Sunday and everything...If not, fine.
Then they found a replacement hydraulic pump but have to match serial numbers. If the numbers match we could board in 1-1/2 hours. I decide to stay.
So I left the gate and went to the ticket counter. I could rent a car, drive two hours to another airport and catch a 3:20 flight. What to do, what to do...
Mine's good. My non-stop flight is delayed for want of a hydraulic pump. If a replacement is found we have to make a stop to refuel.

How is your Sunday?

Saturday, July 22, 2017

The Pendulum Swings

The unanimous reaction yesterday from basketball cognoscenti and idiot bloggers alike to Kyrie Irving's trade request was shock and bemusement. Inevitably, inevitably, right? today there are some Blame_Kyrie_on_James who say that Irving--Une momento, I want to get this quote just right.--that Irving "has become proactive in controlling his own career arc", that arc control is the legacy of LeBron James to players like Kyrie, "the best players on the planet," "the modern basketball superstar", those "open to big ideas and big visions...", those who aren't "chasing a market as much as an environment"; that with "a dozen-plus hot pursuit" Irving is already bending his career arc to His will and validating His "vision."

It becomes our disagreeable duty now to record that this alluring, dream-like, counter-narrating, swinging pendulum has not been grabbed by all hands, no not at all, that it was the instant and is the considered, enduring  opinion of these non-dreamers, of these non-hallucinating humbugs, of those who construct mirthful memes, that if M Kyrie Irving is amongst those who are "the best players on the planet" the question "Which planet?" nags and begs; that to ascribe to M Irving LeBron James-like "vision" because Irving is "open to big ideas and big visions" like the earth being flat, it is the opinion of these better sorts that those are two incongruous types of vision, the one congruous with arc bending, the other perhaps congruous with correction by remedial education, perhaps with a lobotomy of the frontal lobes, that "blind as a bed bug" rather captures the type vision we ascribe to he who we have nicknamed Bed Bugs; that we read doubtfully--but with deference to our better--that there are "a dozen-plus" Dan Gilberts and James Dolans in unreasoning, breathless, wallet-opening "hot pursuit" of Bed Bugs even as we are mindful of the adage "a fool and his money are soon parted"; that be that as it may Devil Dan will find one fool at least for M Irving, that we can think of no more likely provider of the desired moolah, the "environment," the "big ideas and big visions," than garden caretaker Dolan, and that be that as it may wherever M Kyrie Irving lands he will disappear from memory into mockery and irrelevance as surely as if he fell off the face of the earth. Or stayed in Cleveland.

Friday, July 21, 2017

 CLEVELAND, Ohio -- So Kyrie Irving doesn't want to play with LeBron James?

Three trips to the NBA Finals and set up for a fourth?

That's not enough for Irving?
It's been a long time since I've encountered a star player so removed from reality when it comes to looking at his place in the NBA.
Consider this: Irving averaged more shots (19.7) than James (18.2) in the regular season.
Or how about this?

In the NBA Finals, Irving averaged 25 shots a game...James took 23.

It feels as if I've been writing sports since someone put a peach basket up on a barn, and I've never encountered a story quite like this.
I'd trade him.
It's time for him to go.

Tom Haberstroh @tomhaberstroh

Just gonna leave this here ... Cavs with Kyrie Irving ON, LeBron James OFF last season: -120 in 635 minutes.

Kyrie Irving believes Earth is flat and he doesn't want to play with LeBron James. Kyrie Irving might be the dumbest person who ever lived.5:17 PM · Jul 21, 2017

If Kyrie Irving wants to know what it’s like to be the focal point of an team, might I recommend watching the 2011-14 Cavaliers.5:39 PM · Jul 21, 2017

I took homeless men to the NBA Finals in 2007. I don't need no Kyrie Irving.
6:11 PM · Jul 21, 2017
"I understand my head is in a very peculiar place."-Kyrie Irving.

Dan Gilbert letter on Kyrie Irving

Dear Cleveland, All Of Northeast Ohio and Cleveland Cavaliers Supporters Wherever You May Be Tonight;

As you now know, our former hero, who hit The Shot that finally brought me the championship I didn't deserve no longer wants to be a Cleveland Cavalier.

He joins That Man, Thay Guy Who Had Cancer, and Some Guy Named "Chauncey" lol.

This was announced in a private meeting with me to my face unlike anything ever "witnessed" in the history of sports and probably the history of entertainment.

Clearly, this is bitterly disappointing to all of us.

The good news is that the ownership team and the rest of the hard-working, underpaid, loyal, and driven staff over here at the Pawn Shop have not betrayed you nor NEVER will betray you as long as you continue to pay usurious interest on your loans.

There is so much more to tell you about the events of the recent past and our more than exciting future of several days, possibly weeks. Over the next several days and weeks, we will be communicating much of that to you.

You simply don't deserve this kind of cowardly betrayal by a man who believes the earth is flat.

You have given so much and deserve so much more than bed bugs.

In the meantime, I want to make one statement to you tonight:


You can take it to the bank.

If you thought we were motivated before tonight to bring more hardware to Cleveland, I can tell you that this shameful display of selfishness and betrayal by one of our very own has shifted our "motivation" to previously unknown and previously never experienced levels in the history of sports and peobably the history of entertainment.

Some people think they should go to heaven but NOT have to die to get there.

Sorry, but that's simply not how it works.

This shocking act of disloyalty from this idiot "chosen" number "one" in the draft by us sends the exact opposite lesson of what we would want our children to learn, which is that the earth is ROUND. And "who" we would want them to grow-up to become, which is NOT the Big Bed Bug.

But the good news is that this idiotic action can only serve as the antidote to the so-called "curse" on Cleveland, Ohio.

The Idiot will be taking the "curse" with him down south or southwest or north or east. And until he does "right" by Cleveland and Ohio, Irving (and the town where he plays) will unfortunately own this dreaded spell and bad karma.

Just watch. Devils do not wear blue. They are covered in blood and pus.

Sleep well, Cleveland.

Tomorrow is a new and much brighter day....

I PROMISE you that our energy, focus, capital, knowledge and experience will be directed at one thing and one thing only:


Dan Gilbert

Majority Owner

Cleveland Cavaliers

All Hell Breaks Loose in Cleveland

Kyrie "The Earth is Flat" Irving wants to be traded so that he can be Big Bedbug on a team; does NOT want to play with LeBron James

(He could just wait a year...); has given Devil Dan four teams to be traded to, one of them being Miami. "Peculiar place," Cleveland. Mistake prone.

Coffee with Viagra-like ingredient recalled after FDA discovery

I'm up for that.