TRUE CRIME STORIES

Actual telephone conversation, trying to get a witness to come in for a pre-trial conference on a murder case. The witness's grandmother, the head of the household, answered the phone.

Her: "Hello."

Me: "Is Clarence there?"

Her ( in soft office receptionist voice): "Who's calling?" Me: "This is Ben Harris from the District Attorney's office."

Her: "Just a minute."

(Her exasperated head of household voice heard in background): "CLARENCE, GET YOUR WEED-SMOKIN' ASS OUT OF BED! YOU GOT A PHONE CALL!

(heard in background: loud male voice saying yelling something indistinguishable)

Her: "He ain't comin' out of the room."

Me: "He was supposed to be in my office at 9."

Her: "Oh well."

Me: "And his deposition is set for 11:30."

Her: "He ain't gonna make it. You're depending on the undependable."

Me: "Well can you have him give me a call when he wakes up?"

Her: "Well i'll tell him and he won't do it and then I'll have to beat his ass again. Seems like a lot to go through for a phone call but I will."

Me: "Thank you very much."


-benjamin harris