Mum Dying

the human death experience is so mystical.

my brother called this morning to tell me that mum had been going downhill noticeably in the last few days, very weak and complaining of pain underneath her rib cage. tim said he had had her taken by ambulance to the hospital.

my mother always talked with me about things, like her own doubts about god for example, not a popular opinion in the family. her own mother was very strict religiously. mum was closer to her father.

when i went up for her bladder cancer surgery last year i was sitting by her bed in the hospital. it was just the two of us and she told me that for many years she had had a dream where she was on the edge of a field waist-high in weeds, and her father, who died in 1959 was at the far end of the same field. she told me that in her dream her dad said, "c'mon, honey. c'mon, dear," and beckoned with his hands. she was frightened in her dream and said "no, daddy i can't." she said her father turned away "with the saddest look on his face." she told me she knew that if she had made contact with her father that she would die; he would have taken her with him. "so i know when it's my time, my dad will come for me, benjamin."

tim just called me again. they took an x-ray or ultrasound or something and mum's cancer has spread to her liver and it won't be long. we talked for awhile and at one point he said, "ben, you know what mum said to me this morning when she woke up? she said 'tim, you know my dad was here last night." tim asked what she meant and mum said "he came last night and was in the bed beside me."



-benjamin harris