"PEOPLE WHO TALK IN METAPHORS CAN SHAMPOO MY CROTCH"

'member that line from "as good as it gets?"

i have grown weary of shop-worn (there's another one) metaphors, so when i assume full dictatorial powers the following shall be banished from the language:

"Gordian knot."

"between a rock and a hard place."

"[(s)he took to it like a duck to water."

"wathershed."

"landmark," as in "landmark decision" to describe an allegedly important ruling by the supremes.

"achilles heel."

"pandora's box."

"pyrric victory."

"smokescreen."

"landslide." some metaphors are almost exclusively context-specific. ever hear of a sports team winning in a "landslide?" why is it that ONLY in politics is a one-sided defeat described with use of this metaphor? see below.

it's hard to write, as i've discovered in the last 2 1/2 years here, and the use of such hackneyed language is just a crutch for us when we get lazy about writing. instead of trying to write something simply and clearly we lean on this crap. maybe we think it makes us sound smart but it really just makes us sound lazy and cliched.

(more to come)