Modern Islam. Vol. 1, No. 1.

found!  The lost interview!  


Sheikh ali mohamud rage 


with benjamin harris al-


barnesboro!

Gala inaugural issue!!!

Interview with sheikh ali mohamud rage!!

“We are very happy with the Somali national who attacked the house of the Danish cartoonist who previously insulted our prophet Mohammed. This is an honor for the Somali people. We are telling that we are glad that anyone who insults Islam should be attacked wherever they are."

                                                     -Sheikh Ali Mohamud Rage, January 4, 2010.

Benjamin Harris al-Barnesboro:  How’s Lamb?

Sheikh Ali Mohamud Rage: His penis still too small to have the sexual intercourse with wife.

B.H al-B:  I meant how are his bullet wounds?

Rage: They not made penis bigger.

B.H. al-B: Sheikh, we’re honored to have you for our featured interview in the inaugural issue of Modern Islam.  As a prominent spokesman of moderate Islam, is there a concise statement of your views that you would like to convey to non-Muslims who might have a distorted view of what Islam really is?

Rage: We want to drink your children’s blood.

B.H. al-B: What are the foundations for your views?

Rage: It is our feelings of inferiority, impotence and rage at our inability to keep up with the rest of the world since the 17^th century.

B.H. al-B: Is that where you get your name, Rage?

Rage: Exactly.

B.H. al-B:  You guys were doing so well for awhile—the Library of Alexandria, etc.—what happened?

Rage: Ottomans defeat at gates of Vienna in 1683 but they cheat.

B.H. al-B: Ahh, the Ottoman’s, the furniture company!

Rage: Exactly.

B.H. al-B: Loss of market share has ruined many empires.

Rage:  But they cheat.

B.H. al-B: Yes, Muslims outnumbered the Austrians 2-1 if I’m not mistaken.

Rage: Exactly. The Austrians have 84,000 men, we have only 150,000, maybe 300,000.

B.H. al-B:  So Lamb’s rage can be traced back to 1683.

Rage: Exactly.

B.H. al-B:  And it was not that Westergaard’s cartoon had a bomb growing out of Mohammad’s head, it was any depiction of Mohammad, correct.

Rage: Exactly.

B.H. al-B: Explain that for our readers.

Rage: Any depiction of prophet’s face is graven image and is strictly forbidden by sharia.

B.H. al-B: A ‘graven’ offense! (laughter)

Rage:  (no response)

B.H. al-B:  Can you tell us a little about the life of Mohammad.

Rage:  Yes, Mohammad was Scottish…

B.H. al-B:  Scottish?

Rage:  Yes…

B.H. al-B:  Oh you have your own pictures!

Rage: (showing picture).  This proves that the prophet was Scottish, he is depicted here wearing the tartan plaid of his clan the McHomad’s.

B.H. al-B:  Oh my god, that’s amazing!

Rage:  Yes, he was also woman.

B.H. al-B: What??

Rage: (showing picture)

B.H. al-B:  Oh my god.

Rage:  Yes, breasts.  They’re breasts.  She a comely lass, no?

B.H. al-B: (no response)

B.H. al-B:  Sheikh, I…I don’t know what to say.  What happened?  He…she…How…

Rage:  Hormonal injections, steroids (showing picture)

B.H. al-B: (no response)

B. H. al-B:  Through the skull.

Rage:  Yes, Islamic medicine was very advanced.

B.H. al-B: God, he looks like Bigfoot.

B.H. al-B:  Well, Sheikh, this has been a stunning first interview for Modern Islam.  Thank you so much.

Rage:  You welcome.  I drink your children’s blood now.