The guy's a genius. Dave Barry is a comic genius.
http://www.wsj.com/articles/florida-the-punchline-state-1472845591
It’s not easy being a Floridian. We’re dealing with scary mosquitoes and major storms with unpronounceable names such as “Hermine.”
...
Every few months, I get a call from some media person...the tone is always: “What the hell is wrong with Florida?”
...
...we weren’t always the Punchline State. We used to be the Sunshine State, known for our orange groves and beaches and deceased senior citizens playing shuffleboard.
...
But today, all of these states are laughing at Florida. Everybody is laughing at Florida. Mississippi is laughing at Florida.
How did this happen? As far as I have been able to determine without doing any research, the turning point was the 2000 presidential election.
Si.
...
...the morning skies over the state were darkened by vast fleets of transport planes swooping in from Washington, D.C., opening their doors and dropping tens of thousands of election lawyers. Some landed in the Everglades and were consumed by Burmese pythons. But tragically, many survived, and, without taking time to remove their parachutes, they commenced filing lawsuits.
This finally ended when the U.S. Supreme Court ruled, in a 7-2 decision, that Florida should be given back to Spain. OK, not really. But by then, that was basically how the rest of the nation felt. And the nation did not forget. The nation had formed a negative, stereotyped image of Florida as a subtropical festival of stupid. From then on, every time anything stupid happened here, America rolled its national eyeballs and went, “There goes Florida again!”
Journalists have built entire careers on chronicling Florida people doing stupid things. Somebody started a popular Twitter account called “Florida Man,” which consists entirely of links to news items about Florida men doing stupid things: “Florida Man Seen Firing Musket at Cars While Dressed as Pirate”; “Florida Man Poses as Superman on Side of Road While Pantless, Urinating”...and on and on and on.
I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT "FLORIDA MAN."
Why do there seem to be so many stupid people in Florida? There is a scientific explanation.
...
The point is that, yes, Florida, because of its unique shape and warm climate, does have an unusually high percentage of low-IQ people doing stupid things, frequently naked.
...
People come down here all the time. Most of them, sooner or later, decide to leave, but the stupid ones can’t figure out how to do this. So they remain, and in time are issued ballots.
...
But most of these people came here from other states...We are like Ellis Island [for the stupid].
But it isn’t just the Stupid Factor that has given Florida its unfortunate national reputation. There is also the Weirdness Factor. Things keep happening in Florida—things that are similar to things that happen in other states, except that there is some mutant element, some surreal twist, that makes the rest of the nation nod its national head and think, “Ah, Florida.”
...
[A] vivid example of a Florida story that got national attention involved the death in 2012 of a man at a Deerfield Beach reptile store.
...
Now: Try to guess what would cause this man to die at a reptile store. If you guessed that he was bitten by a venomous snake, thank you for playing, but no. The cause of his death—and here we are definitely in Florida-only territory—was eating cockroaches. The store held a cockroach-eating contest.
...
This would not have happened in a normal state. Florida...has a random Weirdness Factor that blankets the state like a fog.
Hilarious. Hilarious, long-ass article. I didn't finish it. I'm Florida Stupid :(
http://www.wsj.com/articles/florida-the-punchline-state-1472845591
It’s not easy being a Floridian. We’re dealing with scary mosquitoes and major storms with unpronounceable names such as “Hermine.”
...
Every few months, I get a call from some media person...the tone is always: “What the hell is wrong with Florida?”
...
...we weren’t always the Punchline State. We used to be the Sunshine State, known for our orange groves and beaches and deceased senior citizens playing shuffleboard.
...
But today, all of these states are laughing at Florida. Everybody is laughing at Florida. Mississippi is laughing at Florida.
How did this happen? As far as I have been able to determine without doing any research, the turning point was the 2000 presidential election.
Si.
...
...the morning skies over the state were darkened by vast fleets of transport planes swooping in from Washington, D.C., opening their doors and dropping tens of thousands of election lawyers. Some landed in the Everglades and were consumed by Burmese pythons. But tragically, many survived, and, without taking time to remove their parachutes, they commenced filing lawsuits.
This finally ended when the U.S. Supreme Court ruled, in a 7-2 decision, that Florida should be given back to Spain. OK, not really. But by then, that was basically how the rest of the nation felt. And the nation did not forget. The nation had formed a negative, stereotyped image of Florida as a subtropical festival of stupid. From then on, every time anything stupid happened here, America rolled its national eyeballs and went, “There goes Florida again!”
Journalists have built entire careers on chronicling Florida people doing stupid things. Somebody started a popular Twitter account called “Florida Man,” which consists entirely of links to news items about Florida men doing stupid things: “Florida Man Seen Firing Musket at Cars While Dressed as Pirate”; “Florida Man Poses as Superman on Side of Road While Pantless, Urinating”...and on and on and on.
I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT "FLORIDA MAN."
Why do there seem to be so many stupid people in Florida? There is a scientific explanation.
...
The point is that, yes, Florida, because of its unique shape and warm climate, does have an unusually high percentage of low-IQ people doing stupid things, frequently naked.
...
People come down here all the time. Most of them, sooner or later, decide to leave, but the stupid ones can’t figure out how to do this. So they remain, and in time are issued ballots.
...
But most of these people came here from other states...We are like Ellis Island [for the stupid].
But it isn’t just the Stupid Factor that has given Florida its unfortunate national reputation. There is also the Weirdness Factor. Things keep happening in Florida—things that are similar to things that happen in other states, except that there is some mutant element, some surreal twist, that makes the rest of the nation nod its national head and think, “Ah, Florida.”
...
[A] vivid example of a Florida story that got national attention involved the death in 2012 of a man at a Deerfield Beach reptile store.
...
Now: Try to guess what would cause this man to die at a reptile store. If you guessed that he was bitten by a venomous snake, thank you for playing, but no. The cause of his death—and here we are definitely in Florida-only territory—was eating cockroaches. The store held a cockroach-eating contest.
...
This would not have happened in a normal state. Florida...has a random Weirdness Factor that blankets the state like a fog.
Hilarious. Hilarious, long-ass article. I didn't finish it. I'm Florida Stupid :(
