Below is the original Chinese and then the English translation, courtesy of Weimin Mo, of the conclusion to the recent writing by Song Binbin, aka Song Yaowu, aka Yan Song. I post this now and will comment after having had a chance to think about it:
四、我的反思和道歉
４０多年过去了，我曾一次次地问自己，为什么会参与写女附中的第一张大字报？答案是，在那个年代自己满脑子想的都是保卫党、保卫毛主席，不让资本主义复辟，都是响应党的号召批判修正主义教育路线，自觉地在阶级斗争的大风浪中经受锻炼。后来，我逐渐认识到，尽管文革是全国性的运动，但具体到我们学校，这张大字报实际上起的是拉开学校文革序幕的作用。我参与写了，就应当承担责任。作为女附中的一名学生，我永远忘不了１９６６年８月５日这一天。校长被自己的学生殴打折磨致死，这是女附中的奇耻大辱，也是我和许多同学心中无法解开的结。我从内心感到深深的自责，我不能原谅自己那天的阻止不力和反应迟缓，正当盛年的卞校长因受尽自己学生的凌辱和折磨而失去了生命，卞校长的丈夫失去了妻子，卞校长的儿女失去了母亲。我想利用这个机会，向“八五事件”中不幸去世的卞仲耘校长表示最深切的悼念，向她的家人和所有“八五事件”中受害的校领导及其家人表示深深的歉意。文革后，我一直想去看望王晶尧先生，当面表达我的歉意。但是，我的处境又使我不能不谨慎行事。２００６年清明期间，几位同学去看望了王先生，向卞校长的遗像献花以表达我们４０年来的思念、哀悼与歉意。我想去又不敢去，我不想因自己的敏感身份，给老人带去刺激和哀伤。
女附中的“八五事件”，是长期以来“阶级斗争教育”的产物。当时，工作组因为犯了压制群众革命的错误而被撤走，党报社论号召群众自己解放自己，自己起来闹革命。因此，绝大多数同学想的也是怎样才能跟上革命形势的发展。８月５日，学生发起游斗所谓“黑帮”，出现了暴力局面，导致卞校长不幸去世。“阶级斗争教育”让我们大多数人在看见校领导被施暴时，虽然心里同情，但不敢说什么，更不可能站出来坚决反对。一些无力的劝阻虽暂时缓解了事态，但根本无法制止新一轮的殴打折磨。现在我认识到，这种对生命的集体性漠视也是发生悲剧的重要原因。最后我想说的是，我对上述所说的每一句话负责。我将以对母校、对文革受难者、对历史负责的态度，继续进行反思。我更期望我们的民族、我们的国家永远不要再发生那样的动乱和悲剧。
写于２００７年１２月，２０１２年１月改定
The rest of her article is just her recalling and explaining about what happened more than 40 years ago. According to what she said in the article, she was used and messed up by those who tried to exploit the anniversary celebration of her Alma Mater in spite of the fact she had warned them and insisted that only her academic accomplishments should be mentioned. It sounds credible. The above is the last part of the original. The following is the translation:
Over the past 40 years or so, more than once I asked myself why I would be involved in the making of the first large-character poster of my school [at the beginning of CR]. The answer is that at that time my mind was filled with the ideas of how to defend the Party and Chairman Mao, and how to stop capitalist restoration – all in response to the Party’s call to criticize the revisionist line in education and the call for young people to self-consciously experience the tempering of the stormy class struggle. Later on, I came to realize that even though C.R. was a nation-wide political movement, specifically the large-character poster I was involved in played the matter-of-fact role of starting the C. R. in our school. I was part of it. Therefore, I should be responsible for it. As a student at that time of the girls’ school, I can never be able to forget the day of August 5, 1966. The fact that its principal was beaten and tortured to death by its students is not only the greatest ignominy to the girls’ school, but is also the knot which is so difficult to untangle inside me and many of my fellow students. I’ve been blaming honestly myself and unable to forgive myself for delinquency in stopping the violence and insensitivity in response to it, which eventually led to the fact that Ms. Bian, while in the prime of her career, lost her life as a result of suffering unspeakable humiliation and torture at the hands of her own students, the fact that her husband lost his loving wife, and the fact that her children lost their mother. I’d like to take this opportunity to express my deepest regrets to Ms. Bian who fell victim to the August 5 Event. I’d like to apologize to her family and all other administrators and their families who suffered alot during the August 5 Event. When the C.R. was over, I thought of going to see Mr. Wang Jinyao, her husband, to show my regrets in person. Unfortunately, my situation forced me to be extremely careful. In 2006 around Memorial Festival, some of my friends went to see Mr. Wang and present bouquet to Ms. Bian’s picture to express their reflective thoughts over the 40 years as well as regrets and mourning. I wanted to go with them, but I didn’t go, for concerning that my controversial role at that time might further upset him or cause more pains.
The August 5 Event of the Girls School was offspring of the education of class struggle. While the working team sent from above was found to have committed an error, that is, suppressing the revolutionary enthusiasm of the masses and was driven out of school, the Party’s media added fuel to fire by calling on people to rebel and liberate themselves by making revolution. As a result, many of the students were thinking how we could catch up with the development of the revolution. On August 5, 1966, some students came up with the idea of rallying and tackling the “sinister gang” head-on. It culminated in violent actions and eventually led to the unfortunate death of Ms. Bian. The education of “class struggle” eventually influenced us in such a cynical way that most of us might feel sympathetic witnessing the school administrators being tortured, but no one dared to speak our mind, to say nothing of standing up against the violence. Our weak persuasions might have slow down the development, but were never able to dismiss effectively the forthcoming rounds of torture and beating. Now I understand, this kind of collective negligence of life is one of the critical causes of this tragedy. Finally, I’d like to say, I am responsible for every word I said above. I will continue to reflect on the past from a perspective that is based on the fact that I share the responsibility for my Alma Mater, for the C.R. victims, and for the history. Above all, I hope this kind of turmoil and tragedy will never happen to our nation, to our country again.
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