Ship about to be immersed.

Been a tough week for journalism, huh? Today, "Guy" "Vidra," the new wartime CEO at The New Republic published an "Open Letter to Our Readers:"

When I decided to take on this role, I knew it would mean that many would not like what was to come—change. But change does not mean discarding your principles and vision. More than ever, as the media becomes an increasingly crowded and noisy space, there is a hunger for depth of ideas.

We will provide that depth but we will begin to tell our stories more effectively in other ways. When we spend the time and energy to do a longform piece, we will create formats for our readers to engage with that information outside of print. We will use data to let readers immerse themselves in that story. We will use imagery and video to evoke a reaction as visceral as only those mediums can bring. We will develop tools to let you tailor the types of stories you read depending on the time of day or where you may be.

Sincerely, I have no idea what he is talking about in that second paragraph.

"create formats for our readers to engage with that information outside of print." ?

"We will use data to let readers immerse themselves in that story." ?

"We will use imagery and video..." I know what those are. So, pictures and videos as part of the "longform" pieces. Cool, dude. I don't get the sense though that there are going to be as many "longform" pieces on accounta "When we spend the time and energy..."

"We will develop tools to let you tailor the types of stories you read depending on the time of day or where you may be."  I have NO IDEA what the FUCK this silicon BUBBLEHEAD is talking about there.

Guy, tonight, after your mommy has fallen asleep, sneak into the bathroom, lay down on the floor and jerk off all over your face. Immerse yourself.