I haven't slept all night. Know why?...Of course you don't know why. Wanna know why? Too bad, I'm gonna tell you anyway. I'm going to tell you because I'm really writing to myself here. Writing helps me. Always has. Therapeutic.
I haven't slept because I'm PISSED. Anger. I'm trying to write myself out of being PISSED. 2016 was the year of PISSED for me. But not to go all the way back. More proximately, my nuclear family and work.
From Thanksgiving until the present my nuclear (kids and (second) ex) have been on the emotional roller coaster of our lives. Low lows, LOW. Confusion, concern, worry, panic. And highs at least back to normal. We misinterpreted some things and when they were cleared up we went back to normal emotionally. Then we didn't misinterpret other things. They were as bad as we thought--worse, because they were surprises. Out of the blue surprising. They were deja vu things and that more ominous.
It is so important to communicate when you're on a roller coaster. We pledged to each other to communicate, I did communicate today and they didn't acknowledge my communication and I sent them a mildly chastizing text right before going what I thought to be, beddy-bye and they acknowledged receiving the 2:21 pm communication and pled guilty with an explanation that they had been "busy."
That was an unmollifying explanation (1) from a person who has been in the same government job for 30 years and (2) college students: to an individual who is a plyer of the legal trade in solo practice.
Unmollifying, I say. PISSIFYING. More PISSIFYING because they didn't get my mild sarcasm trying to head off that lame explanation, viz: "I know you're busy, I'm not, I've got nothing to do." Right over their fucking heads man, ZOOM! "Sorry! Just got busy and put it aside." Heh-heh-heh-heh. Oh, I want to kill you.
But I don't think tonight would have been "tonight" if work hadn't pissed me off yesterday. Another deja vu PISSIFYING incident--Ooh! Look at the time, 5:06 a.m.--Almost time to get UP! And go to WORK!
I can't say writing tonight has made me feel better. That's not good. Because, when things work on me like things have worked on me since T-giving and I have kept PISSED inside, the PISS inside the bottle starts to fizz and then comes an explosion. And I don't want that to happen. Again.
Happy Friday. Mother-fuckers.
I haven't slept because I'm PISSED. Anger. I'm trying to write myself out of being PISSED. 2016 was the year of PISSED for me. But not to go all the way back. More proximately, my nuclear family and work.
From Thanksgiving until the present my nuclear (kids and (second) ex) have been on the emotional roller coaster of our lives. Low lows, LOW. Confusion, concern, worry, panic. And highs at least back to normal. We misinterpreted some things and when they were cleared up we went back to normal emotionally. Then we didn't misinterpret other things. They were as bad as we thought--worse, because they were surprises. Out of the blue surprising. They were deja vu things and that more ominous.
It is so important to communicate when you're on a roller coaster. We pledged to each other to communicate, I did communicate today and they didn't acknowledge my communication and I sent them a mildly chastizing text right before going what I thought to be, beddy-bye and they acknowledged receiving the 2:21 pm communication and pled guilty with an explanation that they had been "busy."
That was an unmollifying explanation (1) from a person who has been in the same government job for 30 years and (2) college students: to an individual who is a plyer of the legal trade in solo practice.
Unmollifying, I say. PISSIFYING. More PISSIFYING because they didn't get my mild sarcasm trying to head off that lame explanation, viz: "I know you're busy, I'm not, I've got nothing to do." Right over their fucking heads man, ZOOM! "Sorry! Just got busy and put it aside." Heh-heh-heh-heh. Oh, I want to kill you.
But I don't think tonight would have been "tonight" if work hadn't pissed me off yesterday. Another deja vu PISSIFYING incident--Ooh! Look at the time, 5:06 a.m.--Almost time to get UP! And go to WORK!
I can't say writing tonight has made me feel better. That's not good. Because, when things work on me like things have worked on me since T-giving and I have kept PISSED inside, the PISS inside the bottle starts to fizz and then comes an explosion. And I don't want that to happen. Again.
Happy Friday. Mother-fuckers.
