Wednesday, February 08, 2017

Oops I did it again

The undersigned is pleased to report he has achieved Master Class in Activating Kitchen Smoke Fans adeptly and lickety-split after this morning's coffee maker bomb blast and tonight's rendering of the grilled cheese as two squares of burnt carbon.

Any well wishes will be humbly received and greatly appreciated on achievement of this important metric of the Life Well Lived as will armed guards standing sentry at the threshold to the kitchen preventing unauthorized entry until I have received a "clean bill of health" from professionals certifying that I pose no danger to self or others after a 72 hour period of observation in a controlled setting remote from the Scene via involuntary placement by Court Order.

The undersigned can further report happily that there was no repeat of the mishap some years ago when I tried to disconnect a fire alarm low on batteries which caused it to sound at ever more frequent and annoying intervals as I was trying to do my work motivating me to grasp the nettle Decisively by standing on a chair and trying to rip the wires out of the invention while I smoked a briar pipe of tobacco whose acrid smoke within inches of the alarm caused general activation of all fire alarms in the building and right in my smoke-puffing face, the concussion waves of the familiar, continuous, unstoppable and quite loud alarm knocking me off my chair onto the floor causing my pipe to fall in one direction and my eye glasses another and bringing with alacrity the non-English speaking building maintenance man to the Scene as I was suffocating the offending instrument of torment with wetted towels, which incident happily has been erased from the collective memory of the building.

Good night.