Rooski! You no tell today Poot-poot birthday! I no know. What he want? I know what Poot-poot want, Rooski. Heh-heh-heh. I know what Poot-poot want. He divorce, no? Poot-poot "available," yes? He "fielding the play," he-he-heh. He want American vagina! Hahahahahahaha. Poot-poot want American vagina! Hahahahahaha.

Me no advise, Rooski. He think he have vagina uprising in Rus! Agh, I spit! American vagina hang him from ceiling! No joke, Rooski. Safer Rus vagina. You tell Poot-poot, Rooski. I send him vodka. Green apple vodka. He like. American vagina hang him from ceiling like bat. He no like.

You tell Poot-poot smiley day of birth for me, Rooski.