The Leaders of the adversary nations have now each taken their measure of Trump and have consulted with each other and have shared their notes on him. Kim Jong-un has consulted repeatedly with Xi Jinping. Xi with Putin, Putin with Xi.
It has been a quick study.
Trump fancies himself a tough guy. Marco Rubio's put-down of Trump, "He is not a tough guy. Donald Trump has never punched anybody in the face in his life," cut to the quick. It was true. Trump knew it was true. Trump knows he is a small-pawed pussy. Trump fancies the company of tough guys to get some tough guy-ness by association. Guys like Mike Tyson. "Iron Mike. Remember Iron Mike? All the tough guys are for me." Like Vladimir Putin. "He's brilliant. He could have any woman in the world." Oh, that is milk straight from his mother's teat to Trump. Trump does not like group meetings, G7, NATO, they make him feel ganged up upon. Trump fancies one-on-one meetings between tough guys, looks for their imprimatur.
"So, first, do not be afraid of being tough," Putin to Xi to Kim to Xi to Putin, round and round. "Trump rather likes that we stifle dissent, kill domestic rivals, steal from the U.S. It proves we're tough guys. And, as Comrade Kim has shown, one can even get away with a lot of threatening toward Trump. It burnishes your tough guy bonafides but it also scares Trump. Be careful. Know when he is on the edge of the cliff.
Second, affirm Trump's place in the tough guy fraternity. All of his life he has wanted to be accepted as a tough guy. Praise him, flatter him. Feel his pain. ALWAYS affirm "FAKE NEWS." Always. ALWAYS take his side against domestic opponents. The press IS the "enemy of the State" as we all know. Trump is the first American Strong Man, the first Leader, the first to think like us, the first to say that. He is one of us.
"Third, one-on-one meeting with Trump is GOOT!," Putin now. You get anything you want in one-on-one meeting with Trump. Why? Tough guy confer status on Trump meeting him one-on-one. Stupid American FAKE-NEWS-foreign-policy establishment, Trump, in Trump brain, brain like ours, Trump no confer American prestige on us by meeting one-on-one, America no have no prestige no more, I steal election from them for Trump! Trump no have no prestige, he fat blimp clown!, he have bimbo wife prestige, Trump know he pussy man, cuckoo, cuckold, we confer tough guy prestige on Trump meet one-on-one! He get the wood in his penis first time in years meet one-on-one with tough guy.
"Yes," Xi. Look at Comrade Kim. He go from 'Little Rocket Man' to 'Chairman Kim'! I tell Comrade Kim, Be careful with this orange buffoon, his nuclear button IS more bigger than yours. Ignore insult--And Comrade Kim total ignore insult.--and meet Trump one-on-one. Sign whatever, who care!, make nice, go from 'old dotard' to 'Excellency,' you will KEEP nukes and NOT get nuked, that very important I tell Comrade Kim, not get nuked, very important. Comrade Kim, you play (laughing), oh my good Comrade Kim you play orange buffoon so good!"
"Thank you, Paramount Leader Xi, thank you. Your advice sooo good. And I follow it with straight face as good I can. And you total right, I just need back off insults, compliment old dotard, and I get everything I want! Keep nukes AND not get nuked. You very correct not get nuked very important," Paramount Leader Xi, very correct. "Always be wary, Comrade Kim, Trump orange ignoramus penis-no-work buffoon but he have BEEG nuke button."
"I will, Paramount Leader Xi, I will."
"President Putin, we owe all of this to you. You saw Trump before any of us did. When we followed your insights we stood on the shoulders of a giant," Xi.
"Thank you, President Putin!"
"Partners,"
"Did not our ancestors teach us of the importance of 'useful fools'?"
"Indeed, they did," Xi.
Kim nodding thoughtfully.
"And did they not teach us that you catch more bees with honey than with vinegar?"
Xi and Kim looking at Putin nodding.
"We catch orange bumble bee with BEEG stinger with our honey and he rip out own stinger!
It has been a quick study.
Trump fancies himself a tough guy. Marco Rubio's put-down of Trump, "He is not a tough guy. Donald Trump has never punched anybody in the face in his life," cut to the quick. It was true. Trump knew it was true. Trump knows he is a small-pawed pussy. Trump fancies the company of tough guys to get some tough guy-ness by association. Guys like Mike Tyson. "Iron Mike. Remember Iron Mike? All the tough guys are for me." Like Vladimir Putin. "He's brilliant. He could have any woman in the world." Oh, that is milk straight from his mother's teat to Trump. Trump does not like group meetings, G7, NATO, they make him feel ganged up upon. Trump fancies one-on-one meetings between tough guys, looks for their imprimatur.
"So, first, do not be afraid of being tough," Putin to Xi to Kim to Xi to Putin, round and round. "Trump rather likes that we stifle dissent, kill domestic rivals, steal from the U.S. It proves we're tough guys. And, as Comrade Kim has shown, one can even get away with a lot of threatening toward Trump. It burnishes your tough guy bonafides but it also scares Trump. Be careful. Know when he is on the edge of the cliff.
Second, affirm Trump's place in the tough guy fraternity. All of his life he has wanted to be accepted as a tough guy. Praise him, flatter him. Feel his pain. ALWAYS affirm "FAKE NEWS." Always. ALWAYS take his side against domestic opponents. The press IS the "enemy of the State" as we all know. Trump is the first American Strong Man, the first Leader, the first to think like us, the first to say that. He is one of us.
"Third, one-on-one meeting with Trump is GOOT!," Putin now. You get anything you want in one-on-one meeting with Trump. Why? Tough guy confer status on Trump meeting him one-on-one. Stupid American FAKE-NEWS-foreign-policy establishment, Trump, in Trump brain, brain like ours, Trump no confer American prestige on us by meeting one-on-one, America no have no prestige no more, I steal election from them for Trump! Trump no have no prestige, he fat blimp clown!, he have bimbo wife prestige, Trump know he pussy man, cuckoo, cuckold, we confer tough guy prestige on Trump meet one-on-one! He get the wood in his penis first time in years meet one-on-one with tough guy.
"Yes," Xi. Look at Comrade Kim. He go from 'Little Rocket Man' to 'Chairman Kim'! I tell Comrade Kim, Be careful with this orange buffoon, his nuclear button IS more bigger than yours. Ignore insult--And Comrade Kim total ignore insult.--and meet Trump one-on-one. Sign whatever, who care!, make nice, go from 'old dotard' to 'Excellency,' you will KEEP nukes and NOT get nuked, that very important I tell Comrade Kim, not get nuked, very important. Comrade Kim, you play (laughing), oh my good Comrade Kim you play orange buffoon so good!"
"Thank you, Paramount Leader Xi, thank you. Your advice sooo good. And I follow it with straight face as good I can. And you total right, I just need back off insults, compliment old dotard, and I get everything I want! Keep nukes AND not get nuked. You very correct not get nuked very important," Paramount Leader Xi, very correct. "Always be wary, Comrade Kim, Trump orange ignoramus penis-no-work buffoon but he have BEEG nuke button."
"I will, Paramount Leader Xi, I will."
"President Putin, we owe all of this to you. You saw Trump before any of us did. When we followed your insights we stood on the shoulders of a giant," Xi.
"Thank you, President Putin!"
"Partners,"
"Indeed, they did," Xi.
Kim nodding thoughtfully.
"And did they not teach us that you catch more bees with honey than with vinegar?"
Xi and Kim looking at Putin nodding.
"We catch orange bumble bee with BEEG stinger with our honey and he rip out own stinger!
