It becomes our disagreeable duty to report that one of the buses used by Carnival Cruise Lines to rescue passengers from its stricken ship has broken down. Francesco Schettino, the bus driver, abandoned the bus because it was dark outside. Schettino, Carnival's designated disaster driver, was also at the helm of the ship, named the Triumph of the Sewage. The ship lost all power when Schettino hit a Russian meteorite. Schettino abanboned the ship for the bus despite being ordered to "Get back on board, dick!"  Four thousand passengers, who couldn't use their iphones due to wiggling icons, had been stranded on the ship since Sunday. The iphones were made in China.