Sunday, May 21, 2017

Premiership Final 2016-17

The truth is, God's Righteous Team of Angels in Blue swatted those stingless "Hornets" of Watford 5-0 to clinch third in the table and a bye into the group qualifying stage of next season's Uefa Champions League.

The Team of Ex-Cannibals in Red beat relegated Middlesbrough 3-0 to get fourth and the UCL play-in.

The Quaker Gunners beat Everton 3-1 to finish one point behind the "Echos" and will have to content themselves with the echo of the UCL that is the Europa League.

Manchester "Buccaneers," 6th, and the aforementioned Everton,7th, will join the Arse on Europa unless the aforementioned "Bucs" win Europa at Ajax on Wednesday.

In addition to the aforementioned Middies, Hull and Sunderland descend a level to sip Coca-Cola. The Northeast would be without a rep in the top flight next season were it not for Newcastle, safely in the top two in the Championship and thus guaranteed promotion.