It now becomes our disagreeable duty to report that the ex-Quasi Official New York Times has officially lost its mind.

The boids holding up the banner move, like gifs or whatever.

Frequently asked questions about the Royal Wedding of the estimable Prince Harry and American commoner, a redundancy, Meghan Markle? Okay, truth or dare. Humiliate yourselves, ex-Quasis:


1. Who is getting married?
[Oh my God.]

2. When, exactly?
[It already happened]

3. And where is it?
[It was in The New York Times board room where "they set the agenda for the nation in that room." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

4. Is that near Buckingham Palace?
[No. It's near Live Peeps, an adult undressing establishment that induces masturbation.]

5. Were William and Kate married at Buckingham Palace?
[No. They were married in the photographic studios of Gentleman's Quarterly courtesy of American 2.0 First Courtesan Melanoma von Clownstick who had an "in" there for having graduated from Live Peeps and posed in her nudity for GQ.

6. Can I go to the wedding?
[Not if you're American. The peopling of British North America was done via bowel evacuations of Great Britain and they don't want their shit back.]

7. Have the invitations gone out?
[Yeah. If you haven't gotten one yet hit up MvC for the businessman's luncheon two for one at Live Peeps.]

8. What if my invitation was lost in the mail?
[You're already a loser. Duh.]

9. Sounds exhausting. How can I watch from home?
[Oh it is! Check your local stations between episodes of The Apprentice and Housewives of New Jersey.]