That man was so fucked up psycho-sexually.

Oh my God, Hemingway. Could you be more effeminate?

Hi, I'm Earnest but don't call me that or I'll KILL YOU. I'm just a nice little boy-girl a hermaphrodite with both a dick and a pussy.

It makes me very insecure 'cause I think people will point and laugh and say look he has a dick AND a pussy so I cover that whole icky area up with a hand fig leaf.

Okay, the worst, THE. WORST.

Eh. Hemingway, you mess with my fucking head. You were SOOO fucked up.  He spent his entire adulthood proving his manliness to the world...when he knew better.

I wish I didn't have a pussy. I wish I only had a dick like Gary. I like lonnnggg guns and sometimes no all the time ALL THE FUCKING TIME I hold long guns or fishing rods over my girl dick because I don't like it like I don't like "Earnest."

Really, Hemingway, did you have ANY fucking self awareness?

His SON.

Enough. I've done all this on Hemingway before and it completely weirds me the fuck out. I couldn't read anymore Hemingway after I first posted this "study." The way we have read Hemingway? It's wrong. It's all wrong. You have to read Hemingway now knowing this.

Good look, gentleman. Is that choreographed? You are athletes, no? Just got drafted or something? Have to pose on stage in suits for the first time? Not used to doing that? Makes you feel a little insecure? Got it. GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF YOUR DICKS.