:o This is a disgrace to the game and to the World Cup.

HALF TIME: England 0-0 Belgium

The referee lets four seconds of added time elapse, thinks “bugger this”, and blows for half time. The crowd whistle their displeasure. As things stand, England will top Group G, Belgium having picked up three more yellow cards over the piece. Another 45 minutes of this excitement coming up! You can’t leave me here alone, you have to stay. See you soon!

44 min: Well this hasn’t been very good, on the whole. The crowd, having given it their all for the majority of the half, begin to whistle as the square root of eff all unfolds on the pitch.

22 min: We’re back in Friendly Mode. Events rocking at a gentle, summer-evening pace. To be fair, both sets of fans are giving it plenty nonetheless...

19 min: After a bright start, this match is in danger of slipping into Friendly Mode. Ah hold on! Scrub that! Rose picks up the pace on the left and is unceremoniously hacked down by Tielemans, who is booked and doesn’t bother complaining about it, which shows self-awareness if nothing else. A free kick, and a chance for England to load the Belgian box.

Friendly Mode? Wtf? Are both teams really not trying to win like Business Insider said yesterday?