Barnesboro, bestest small town in U.S.

Barnesboro is better, better than the rest

Barnesboro number one hysterectomy operation

And in crystal meth overdose rehabilitation

Barnesboro, Thomas Barnes swimming pool

Up on hill where air nice and cool

Filtration system marvel to behold

It remove 80% of human feces stool

Barnesboro, Barnesboro, you very nice place

From entrances to coal mines to shores of Shit Creek

Barnesboro friend of all except Cambria Heights

They very nosey people, with bone in their brain

Barnesboro industry best in county

We produce bituminous and shirts in shirt factory

Barnesboro’s crystal meth, bluest in the county

We deliver anywhere, especially to Johnstown

Come get your hysterectomy in Barnesboro

We throw in shirt for free

And sample of crystal meth!