Liverpool, I just read that you look more to America than to England; that when God Save the Queen is played you sing your maudlin You’ll Never Walk Alone. You are disgusting Liverpool. You are disgusting. But of course you would look to America. America has always been your meal ticket. Send the ships from your docks to Africa, load them with slaves, bring them back to your disgusting city and ship them to America. You were the Middle Passage. You would have voted 90%-10% for Trump I bet. You are Kentucky. Alabama. West Virginia. They say about my home state that Pennsylvania is Philadelphia and Pittsburgh with Alabama in between. You could say with greater truth that Pennsylvania is Philadelphia and Pittsburgh with Liverpool in between. I grew up in that middle passage called Pennsyltucky. I hate where I grew up Liverpool, hate it; I left as soon as I was old enough to leave and all Pennsyltucky has seen of me since is asshole and elbows. They are just like you. I hate you, Liverpool.
But look to America, Liverpool, you look to it, identify with it. “This means more.” BOOHOOHOOHOOHOO. I know it does Liverpool, so henceforth I am going to apply to you the the greatest, mocking chant I ever heard in sports in America. Maybe you know what the game of hockey is. It’s a professional game in the States and Canada. There are two professional hockey teams based in New York City, similar to yourselves and Everton. The hockey equivalent to you was the New York “Rangers,” ancient team with a rich history who were always a Big Club and who came achingly close (but no cigar) to winning the Stanley Cup on several occasions in the 1950’s, ‘60’s, ‘70’s, ‘80’s. It just meant MORE to them, Liverpool! You can relate to that! Their counterparts, like Everton, were the New York “Islanders,” founded in 1972. To “Rangers” fans, “The Islanders? is that a minor league team? Who are they?” You cannot have a rivalry if one team doesn’t pay you any mind. But then in 1980, only eight years after founding, the “Islanders” won the Stanley Cup. :o And then another. And another. And another. Four straight years, four straight Stanley Cups. Oh! the pain, Liverpool. The “Rangers” hadn’t won a Stanley Cup since 1940. You, Liverpool, have never, ever won the Premier League, do you realize that? Yeah, you do. NEVER. You haven’t been top flight champions since 1990. Look to America, Liverpool, do you see the similarity? Sometime during the “Islanders” Dynasty years “Islander” fans began this cutting, mocking chant. And they continued it until the “Rangers” finally won a Cup. But it took them until 1994. Can you guess what “Islanders” fans serenaded the “Rangers” with whenever they played, wherever they played, whether in hallowed, like Anfield, Madison Square Garden or on Long Island, several times a year, for 11 or so years? 1940! 1940! 1940! That’s a conversation stopper right there, Liverpool! There is. Nothing. “Rangers” fans could say to that. You see where I am going with this, Liverpool. Therefore, thus, ergo: Should Manchester City hold you off this year, and in case they don’t I’m doing it now for the couple of weeks I can, I will forever, until you win the league, serenade you with:
1990!
1990!
1990!
1990!
Eat shit and die Loser Scousers.
