Holidays

I've been sitting here for awhile thinking about holidays.

Have you ever stopped to think if we could have better holidays?

Don't get me wrong, I honor those who have died in combat for us but really, how many of us are going to visit a military cemetery this weekend?

Now AFTER the weekend our hangovers may make us feel like we should be in a cemetery but the point is, holidays except for maybe Christmas and Thanksgiving, have just become excuses to party.

New Year's Day? Why do we celebrate it? It's not as if we have any choice in it coming every year. Nothing important ever happens except nine college football games which we miss anyway because we're still hungover.

Labor day? Let's see if I have this straight: let's celebrate the fact that our parents didn't leave us trust funds and we have to work?

Have you ever checked a calendar and looked at all the holidays there are? Mine, for example has "West Virginia Day," and "Oklahoma Day." Isn't it bad enough that people have to live there? Do they have to be made to celebrate it too?

So if we were going to start all over again and you were King or Queen of the world, what are the days that you would set aside to honor the truly great people, events and inventions in our history? These are mine:

Jan. 1: The debut of Bugs Bunny cartoons. Well, they didn't really start on Jan. 1, they started in 1938 on some long-forgotten day but at least this gives us a chance to replace the odious new year's eve celebrations. AND DON'T TELL ME YOU DON'T WATCH BUGS BUNNY CARTOONS! I'M NOT THE ONLY ADULT WHO WATCHES THE "JUNE BUGS" FESTIVAL ON NICKOLODEON EVERY SUMMER! Am i?

Feb. 6: Bob Marley's birthday.

Feb. 15: Lupercalia day. Sex partners are drawn by lot.

April 22: Jack Nicholson's birthday. If there is reincarnation, could I come back as him?

July 6: Bikini day. Invented on this date.

Sept. 7: The debut of ESPN's Sportscenter, clearly the greatest cultural milestone in our history.

Sept. 11

Sept. 25: The birthday of PUBLIC OCCURRENCES.

Dec. 8: Jim Morrison's birthday. ...or him?

A little unusual, I know, juvenile, and definitely slanted toward the male view of the universe, but hey I'm the King!

I know that all of you turn to Publocc for just this kind of erudition and thoughtful commentary so just consider this a public service from me to you and have a nice weekend.