David Moyes was fired today as manager of Manchester United. The club made the move with five games left in the season and United out of all cup competitions. Perhaps most importantly United are in seventh place in the EPL and will not qualify for next year's lucrative Champions League tournament. The American Glazer family owners are huge pursuit-of-happiness types and not being able to pursue in the UCL makes them unhappy. Hugely unhappy. Curls their ponytails.