We have a tremendous upset tonight in the scholarly men's short pants basketball tournament. The University of Kansas, one of the tournaments number one seeds, had been humiliating opponents in the manner that the Freedom Cause ass-fucked Trump and Ryan. The "Jayhawks" had made their previous tournament foes their bitches, 100-62, 90-70, and 98-66. Tonight however they ran into the University of Nike and the "Ducks" abused Kansas 74-60. So Trump, you're not the only one tonight whose asshole is so dilated you could drive a truck through it. Meet your new butt buddies, the Kansas "Jayhawks." Congratulations to Oregon.