Oh, a Knyghte
Here a goode piece
Of meat hadde.
A wyf,
In liquor pickled,
With lickerish tayle
Her pink needing tikled,
Was prey to the cunnig,
Ripe for the taking,
For plucking,
And raping.

And seeing,
And pouncing,
The cunnig Knyghte
Went to seizing
And by the queynte led
The her to the bedde,
And on this goode wyf
He leith on soore
So myrie a fit she ne hadde
ful yoore;
Thrice, no lack,
Flat on her back
Dainty feet
To the ceiling,
Kicking and screaming,
Moaning and writhing,
Begging and pleading,
(For she hadde a liking)
“Harder!" and "Deeper!”
And the Knyghte obliging,
Dight her agayne and agayne,
Sowing and seeding,
The wyf with delite,
Her appetite sating,
A Queynte healing.

"Old men should read and write, young men should play with their wives"

"What aileth you to grouche thus and groan?
Is it for ye woulde have my queynte alone?
For certeyn, olde dotard, by youre leve,
Ye shul have queynte right ynogh at eve."

By day while old men
Write and read
Their wyfes,
With yonge Knyghtes,
Writhe and breathe

A takyng
Be beaten
By a givyng
Each time.
And so a beatyng
In a rapyng
By a givying
In time.

I al his lust endure
And make me a feyned
Appetit.
And yet in olld meate
Hadde I nevere delit.
Queynte,
That he dighte
His wyf
By righte,
Snache the booty,
And it be her duty!
I am his mate
Who must obey.
I do not consent,
I submit,
It is rape.

the super bowl can suck my teets

I live in this really ugly place called “Miami.” Fucking dump really depresses me. Wish I lived in a nice place with a flaming river. Or with technicolor acid mine drainage.

Okay, we’re going to talk about this because other people are. The "Heat" go on an eight-game road trip starting Saturday. They are flying with the ominous baggage of 8-7 in their last fifteen games. After Tuesday's loss I wrote,

“Something has happened. Or something that was happening isn't happening.”

And I jokingly blamed the Friday Night Massacre on Dion Waiters’ return (and on myself for following the game).

Today there was this in Ira Winderman’s mailbag column:

Q: One of your readers to "Ask Ira" suggested that Dion Waiters hurts team chemistry when he comes to the game. I think I, too, have noticed that, not only with Waiters but also with James Johnson. -- Roland, Portland.
A: The problem with James Johnson taking so long to come around with his conditioning, and with Dion Waiters taking so long to come around with his attitude, is that these on-court issues could have been sorted through earlier in the season, to see what combinations do and do not work, what alignments do and do not work, when it comes to each. Now, getting closer to the stretch run of the playoff race, the Heat still are trying to figure out roles for each. That is where each let their teammates down.

When I read that I immediately thought that the something that had happened to the "Heat" was the reintegration of these two. Doesn't this fifteen game walk down Middlesbrough overlay precisely JJ's return? (Not quite, see below.) Ira does not go there directly. The only comment he makes on team “chemistry” is that in their suspensions and benching JJ and Dion “let their teammates down,” that’s past tense, creating roster utilization issues in the present. That does not directly address the reader’s observation that whenever either JJ or Dion checks into a game now their presence “hurts team chemistry." (Although in a prior column Ira wrote that JJ had been a supportive and enthusiastic teammate on the bench when he was being held out. And JJ has issued more than one sincere, deeply felt apologies.)

God knows Dion hurt team chemistry earlier this season: In the final preseason game he bitched about Erik Spoelstra on the bench, took a shot at him in social media and lol’d Tyler Herro as his replacement. According to the cognoscenti management was so worried about Dion's effect on team chemistry that they seriously contemplated paying him to stay home.

Last season Hassan Whiteside was benched, fined, and ultimately traded for bitching about playing time. JJ and Hassan were tight.

Then there was the THC gummy bears incident on the plane before the “Lakers” game in LA. Ethan Skolnick of 5ReasonsSports wrote after that game that he had never seen this “Heat” team perform as distractedly as it did that night.

And JJ has been joined with Dion in the gummy bears incident. The rumor mill long had it that JJ had supplied Dion with the gummy bears.

And Dion refused to hand up his source to team officials.

And JJ was seen seemingly obviously high in a social media video.

And Dion was pictured on social media partying when he missed a game and told the team he was ill.

That's a lot of ands.

So, this here undersigned went a little further and looked at the game logs for the Suspension Twins. I had not remembered that JJ played in six games in November, almost every game it looks like, although there is a gap between November 8 and 22. He played 15' in the "Lakers" gummy bears game and then only 2' and 8' before he was banished until January 5. He missed the last week of November, all of December and the first few days in 2020. Anyway. If Ira Winderman does not know or is not willing to write about on court chemistry I certainly don't know. Hell, I don't even watch the games. All I can say is that in the seventeen games in which James Johnson has played this season the "Heat" are a Middlesbrough 9-8; that since being reintegrated on January 5 the "Heat" are 6-5.

Dion has only played in three games this season, the last three, all at home, two of which were losses. Those are also the only games in which both he and JJ played, so, for the record, Miami is 1-2 in games where both James Johnson and Dion Waiters played.

The only meaningful sample size here is obviously JJ's. The gross numbers don't directly address his effect, if any, on team chemistry; they do not provide cause and effect for the "Heat" downturn; in fact, I believe in my gut that this is statistical aberration, not cause and effect. However, the gross numbers are stark and they are damning: 9-8 in all seventeen games he has played, a .529 win percentage, 6-5 (.545) in 2020,--compared to 23-7, .766, when he has not played. .766 to .529. Wow. Yet, I have not read one thing that James Johnson has hurt the team in games. To the contrary, he has put up some solid numbers and made some key plays that have contributed to wins. The won-lost numbers, though, for what they are worth, are what they are.

I looked at Justise Winslow's game log for comparison. The sample size is only ten games, the "Heat" went 6-4, .600, and they are 26-11, .702, when he has not played. That's a difference, but not nearly as great, and with only ten games, and everybody thinks the team really needs Justise right now.

I was very much intrigued by the reader's observation to Ira Winderman. "Something" has happened with this team over the last fifteen games. Suddenly, they have become as unpredictable as the last three years' teams were: inconsistent effort on defense, benchings, changes to the rotation, inconsistent shooting, losing at home, losing to inferior teams. I can't figure it out but the two somethings that those Middlesbrough "Heat" teams had that this early high-flying team did not are James Johnson and Dion Waiters. And those James Johnson before-after won-lost records bother me.

The Perfume That Needs No Bottle

What is the matter with Gwyneth Paltrow? That is a scented candle developed by her and that perfume company Heretic and advertised on Paltrow’s site Goop; on which Goop Paltrow expressed her acquired fondness for penetrative sex in her poop chute a couple of years ago. As the young people used to say, “too much information”; it’s rank, gross exhibitionism. (It’s also available for only $239.50 on  Ebay.)

Good morning Crazies

Mike Krzyzewski had an embarrassing Ok Boomer moment last night. My beloved Pitt "Dribbling Panthers" were in Durham snarling at them "Blue Devils" (#9). Pitt is coached by Krzyzewski's top assistant for years, Jeff Capel (rhymes with "caper"...sort of). Jeff is still beloved at Duke by all. But when Duke's Cameron Crazies started affectionately chanting at Jeff near the end of the first half Krzyzewski went nuts. Snarled at them from across the court, screaming two or three times "Shut up!"  You can see the ref has his hand on Coach K's arm trying to calm him. It didn't work. Krzyzewski then went over to the student section and continued to berate them. Seems Coach K heard wrong. The kids were chanting, "Jeff Capel, come sit with us"; Krzyzewski heard "Jeff Capel shit on us" or something, "shit" for "sit."

The video of the confrontation in the student section is really embarrassing. The kids are gaping silently, mystified at what their omni-beloved Coach K is so angry with them about. It's not a good look, I'll tell you. Krzyzewski is just so imperious with his anger. Duke is these kids' college, the basketball team are students just as the Crazies are. Krzyzewski acted like this was his personal home. I only watched it once and had to look away. Duke won 79-67 but that was not the story in this one.

Post-game Krzyzewski did say the consecutive words "I apologize to the students for that." But that's not all he said. We was still addled:

"I don't know if I made a mistake on that,* but I've never heard another coach's name yelled out in the middle of the first half when we're in a war# with the team. I don't know if they were saying, 'Come sit with me.'**

*No, you did! You made a mistake, not "I don't know if I made a mistake."
#Why did you have to say that? Coach, you were fucking not "in a war" with Pitt. It's a fucking BASKETBALL game, you have never been "in a war" coaching a fucking basketball game, okay? Just stop.
**That is because you are old, sir; you miss-the-fuck heard okay? Get your hearing checked before you embarrass yourself and the university and students you work for.

"We got a different look at what the hell was going on. I thought it was something personal. ... I apologize to the students for that."

But Krzyzewski was still miffed at the timing of the chant,## while noting he'll always defend his former player and assistant. 

##See in context, that's not really an apology. I don't know what he's saying.  He is very confused. Why were you miffed at halftime, that was the timing when you went all Psycho? You were leading 45-34. You won by 12. Why were you still miffed after the game. 

"You shouldn't say that. ... In the middle of the first half and an ACC game, this isn't some cutesy little thing."***

***There he seems to be saying he did understand it was an affectionate cheer for a former Duke player and assistant and doesn't think "in the middle of the first half and an ACC game" (unstated, a "war") it was cutesy to cheer for the opposing "general," the "enemy."

"I'm not going to go say, 'Will you please tell me exactly what you're doing? So it's a mistake on my part, but I'd rather make the mistake and protect my guy. ... Let's think of a different cheer -- like 'Defense!'"

Huh? So, you're just going to shoot first and learn facts later. And it was a mistake but one you'd do again to "protect my guy," Jeff Capel. Coach...let me use your words interlining two that Pat Riley spoke to Danny Ainge, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

I love Mike Krzyzewski. I love David Cutcliffe, the football coach. I love the Duke chapel. I love everything I know about Duke University and I am truly honored to have a former, still beloved, blue blood, Dookie as Pitt's head basketball coach. But Coach K had no right to act that way. And that's a full stop right there.

Pat Riley once registered his skepticism with positionless basketball by saying that it was an offensive concept, and that you still had to play defense. And you know what? Riley was correct, positionless is mainly an offensive concept.

A roster constructed for positionless basketball is pretty homogeneous, top heavy with 6'8"-6'9" springy interchangeable parts. The "Heat" has had a glut of those guys the last few years: James Johnson, Jimmy Butler, Bam Adebayo, Chris Silva, on and on. In the patois of previous basketball thinking that would be a roster of "tweeners," a bunch of guys who aren't quite this and who aren't quite that, squarish pegs in roundish holes. The whole point of positionless is to get rid of precise pegs and holes. Everybody is supposed to be able to do everything: drive to the rim, shoot from the outside, pass, rebound, defend. Positionless basketball was thought up by Erik Spoelstra in conversations with LeBron James. LeBron, 6'9", is the archetypal positionless player. He can do everything but there's only one of him. With a roster of more typical, less archetypal, players positionless can still work beautifully on the offensive end: the term "guerrilla basketball" captures the versatility and difficulty of defending.

So what does positionless defense look like? A lot like a group of tweeners. A lot of help defense: rotating, trapping, zone. (For many years the NBA outlawed the zone defense; You had to play man-to-man.) This "Heat" roster are below-average man-to-man defenders. The wings are not quick enough to stay in front of their man and prevent drives to the rim; they are not quick enough to rotate to the perimiter man left open by their help defense; the interior defenders are not tall enough to deter drives. Miami plays so much zone in order to mask its players defensive deficiencies. LAC coach Doc Rivers explained after Friday's game that if you're patient and wait out the "Heat's" trap you can make them pay by hitting from the outside. Last night the "Heat" played a lot of zone defense and today this was the headline in masslive.com:

Boston Celtics bust Miami Heat zone defense, and a question arises about the future of NBA offense
From that article:

MIAMI - The Boston Celtics beat the Miami Heat, in part, because they were able to beat Miami’s zone defense.

“We came in the locker room and watched some film," Kemba Walker said after the game. We got guys moving, getting to the middle, moving the basketball."
...
...Miami plays a ton of zone. They’re one of a few teams to really embrace it, and maybe the poster-team for how to do it well. Zone defense is different from man-to-man, as the name suggests, because players are assigned to zones on the floor rather than players. They basically guard whomever passes through their zone.

Called a two-three zone:

“The key was trying to get it to the middle there,” Gordon Hayward said after the game. “We started to get into the teeth of the zone and we were getting some easy stuff.”

How to win playing one-against-five.

Look at that. The "Heat" players are staying in their zones and the green bean has acres of space in the middle, in the "seams", of the zone.
...
Or Another way a zone can backfire is if the defenders are not as disciplined as the "Heat" defenders are there, if two or more converge on the ball. Then there's an open man somewhere. Masslive:

So when a team plays zone and guys are defending areas on the floor, getting into certain areas creates a natural overreaction to the ball. Getting into the middle of that 2-3 zone, somewhere around the bottom of that free throw circle, forces three guys to cover the player because he’s in three different zones.
...
“We had to change our attack at halftime,” Brad Stevens said after the game. “Guys did a really good job of attacking it and then once we got a comfortable rhythm against it we were a little bit better.”

So right now we’ve got ourselves the basic story from this Miami game. They played a zone, Boston spent a lot of time before the half not attacking gaps and getting into the middle, they adjusted, and scoring came easier.

The article then quoted Rodney McGruder, then of the "Heat", last year:

“We’re just trying to not have easy blow-bys where guys can get into the paint and make easy sprays and stuff. Other teams just pass the ball around the zone. They don’t really try to penetrate it and get in the middle of the zone. Sometimes they’ll just pass it around and just shoot a 3. They play the way we want them to play.”
...
Teams can’t rely exclusively on zone defense because it’s terrible once a team figures it out and at that point it can be destroyed pretty easily.

...the way to beat it is almost always by attacking it and getting into the middle of the lane, then what happens to the future of NBA offenses if teams are asking players to specifically catch the ball in the least efficient spot on the floor?

If more zone is being played, then more guys will be going to the middle of the floor with the ball. If teams are to protect the rim at all costs, decisions have to be made. If those decisions are to protect against the dump-offs to the baseline, then the offensive player will have to shoot from that 10-15 foot area.

Suddenly the mid-range artist might have more purpose. This phased out element of the game might have some use after all.
...
In the meantime, it’s pretty clear. As the zone becomes more prevalent, someone who is comfortable working in that middle space is necessary. Boston has those guys on this roster, and they can use them to attack and punish zones.

Wail, I'm back to where I was after the Friday Night Massacre. Ball don't lie man. Record don't lie. You are as good as your record says you are. And: "You can make the argument that the "Heat" are not as good as their record" (in the first 32 games).

The "Heat" lose to Beans 109-101. Miami just could not get over the hump in this game. Got behind the 8-ball and couldn't close an 8-point lead in three quarters! No guerrilla offense, they shot like gorillas all game. You can say, second of a back-to-back. It was. You could say the same for Orlando last night. That was their second of a back-to-back. But these two were in Miami, not on the road, at home.

It was also the "Heat's" second loss in three games at home going back to last Wednesday and that game, against D.C., went to OT. "Heat" very easily could have been an o-fer on this three-game homestand. Puts it in perspective, don't it? We also have a significantly longer periscope to look through. The "Heat" are now 8-7 in their last fifteen games. That's Middlesbrough man.

Something has happened. Or something that was happening isn't happening. Could 2019/20 be 2016/17 in reverse? The "Heat" started 11-30 and finished 30-11. Before this extended trip down 8th Street the "Heat" was speeding on the overpass, flying on the flyover, 24-8. Since then 8-7.

Let's say 8-7 is the new normal for the "Heat," let's say they go .500 the rest of the season. Know how many wins that'd net them: 44, 45, depending if you round up or down. At 44-38 they would be right back where they were in 2017/18. Made the playoffs and got blown out by Philly 4-1. 44-38 would be three peepy games better than '16/'17, five better than last year. .500, .537, .476, .537, that's not getting over the hump, that's Pitt. That's not Pat Riley, that's Pat Narduzzi. That's smack dab on 8th Street in Middlesbrough. And man that is depressing.

Boston is owning the 4Q too, 12-5. It’s now up to 9, so Miami ended the 3Q right there, down only two and then gave up (?) in the 4th at home. That’s BAD. 7:18 left...

NOT looking good. 88-80, 8:30 through 4Q. “Heat” have just never gotten hot this game. This would be two losses at home in the last three after being 20-1 or something. Even more ominously it would continue the basically .500 ball they’ve played over the now fifteen games or so. No. NOT good a’tall.

Spo just took a full TO. Tyler is 3/10, Jimmy 3/9, Duncan 1/6, Meyers 1/3, Goran 2/7. It's a little funny...

Miami shooting 32.1% for the game. Ho ho ho. It happens. Sometimes you just can't throw it in the ocean. 65-57, 6:51 3Q...

"Heat" have missed their first four shots of the 3Q; Beans has missed 4 of 5. It's ugly...

Beans is the team that got off to the fast start tonight. They led the "Heat" 36-28 after 1Q. Miami has taken five off that lead in the second with ~2:30 to play.

It always takes me by surprise: Beans just doesn't like the "Heat." I know it goes back as far as 2010 when LeBron took his talents down here. They say they owned LBJ when he was solitary fishing in Lake Mistake and I think they did. I don't know why they hated LeBron though. Kevin...what was that big dope's name, came straight to the NBA from high school...Kevin...goddamn it, it'll come to me, Kevin and Paul Pierce were the Great LeBron Haters and their...Garnet! Kevin Garnet...Garnet and Pierce's hate traveled with LeBron. I didn't know about the hatred until that Game 3 or 5 in the playoffs when LeBron came shooting out of the huddle when the game started and had an uber-dominant game. "Heat" went on to win that series, but not win over KG and Pierce. Then Ray Allen came to Miami. Holy shit, you'd a thought a member of La Cosa Nostra just became a rat. The other "Celtics" blackballed Ray from team reunions and stuff! Those guys are long retired but the enmity stuck around from that era. During one of Miami's four straight trips to the Finals Danny Ainge, Beans top basketball guy, the "Celtics" were out of the playoffs and Danny was making ends meet commentating. LeBron's a whiner, he gets too many foul calls as it is, he needs to stop whining, quoth Danny. Whereupon Pat Riley launched one of the most devastating take-downs in the whole history of the earth. Riles put it in writing: "Danny Ainge needs to shut the fuck up," quoth Riles. Ainge was one of the biggest whiners in basketball when he played and I know because I coached against him. Riles added. Riley took Ainge's ass. He just raped Danny Ainge with that.

Ainge is still around is the point. So is Pat. So is the hate. But now it's two way. The raping is still one-way though. Pat owns Danny Ainge's ass for life. 53-48 Beans at the half.

Beans are in town tonight to play the “Earthquakes.” Good team, Beans, 30-15. I dunno about this one.

A dead NASA space telescope and an old Air Force satellite have a 1-in-10 chance of colliding over Pittsburgh

(Business Insider)

its dead how is going to collide lol. fake news.

And, Done. So proud of the "Heat" tonight, so, so proud. 113-92 FT and Miami played complete basketball: shot 53.2% (50%) while not letting up on D, stifling Borelando to 37.1% and 29.7%. Disney played 13 guys, Miami 12, all but UD. Played some guy I swear was not on the roster previously, "Gabe" "Vincent." Gabe only played a minute but he played. D-Wait played, not 18' or whatever it was against LAC, only 6' tonight (3, 2, 2) but he played.

Every "Heat" starter, who were subbed en masse against D.C. was in + double digits tonight. That is dominance. Duncan Robinson was high with +25 on 21, 5, 1 and 3 TO'S; Meyers Leonard was next at +24 on only 5 points and 8 boards. That bespeaks to defense. Spo started Myers at center tonight; usually that's Bam's nominal position. Jimmy was next at +20, 19, 3, 7, 1, 1, and 0 TO's. BAM HAD A 3W! Is that his first? I think it is. Bam was +16 on 20, 10, 10, 1, and 0 TO's. Tyler brings up the rear of the starters but still with a double digit +12 on 13, 4, 1, 3 blocks (!) and 2 TO's. And expectedly when you get wasted every starting "Magician" was - in the high teens to high 20's (!), from -16 (Fulzt and Vucevic to -18 for former Pitt guy Khem Birch, -21 for Fournier, and an embarrassing balloon, -28 for Gordon. Orlando stunk it out tonight and Miami was as perfect as five human beings can be. 

No doubt in the “Heat” tonight. 106-88, 3:32 left.

End 3Q Miami

No 3Q collapse tonight. "Heat" outscored Disney 31-23 and lead 85-71 headin' home.

HT Miami 54 Orlando 48

Vigilant, “Heat,” vigilant. Third quarter coming. Be vigilant.

Sunset tonight. Looks like an enormous brush fire with smoke.

Why has this game not started yet? Supposed to be 7:30 tip. Kobe ceremony? 

Tonight in the Magic City, a basketball game between the Orlando "Magic" and the Miami "Heat." All "Heat" fans and observers will be watching this one closely. I was hoping the "Heat" would be out of town after the Friday Night Massacre by the "Clippers." They need to take a psychological shower to wash that game off them and I thought a change of scenery would help. But, we're back at the scene of the crime.

I was a little surprised Adam Silver didn't cancel yesterday's games. I have not read that the players let it effect their games yesterday but I would also be surprised if it did not a little. The players did pay tribute to Bryant in a powerful way during the games, however. Each team deliberately took a 24-second violation. Bryant wore the number 24 in the latter part of his career. I did not expect tonight's games to be canceled but, as you can see, Kobe Bryant literally hangs over this and the others games. I do not think Bryant's death will be a factor in any of them.

I do think the D.C. game last Wednesday and of course the LAC game Friday are going to be in the players' minds and the "Heat" may be doing a little shoulder-looking tonight: "Yeah, we're up 19 or 7 but... That does not necessarily have to be a negative thing. They should be looking over their shoulders in the third quarter tonight, by damn. But it can also be expressive of doubt: "We're not as good as our record." You have to be vigilant constantly but you must never doubt.

Tonight's opponent is in between Washington and Los Angeles, I guess geographically too but I meant in won-loss record. Orlando has 21 wins. Twenty-six losses. Miami is 31-14 but only 7-6 in the last thirteen.The "Magic" in the last few years have given the "Heat" trouble. They are a decent team this season and given their penchant for putting the black magic on Miami, of course, duh-o-rama, this is the frigging NBA, of course Orlando could win tonight. I do not think Orlando will win tonight, I think the "Heat" will win; I think Erik Spoelstra will have his charges mentally and technically prepared, I think this team, a Miami "Heat" team with Miami "Heat" Culture, has the mental toughness to get over Friday and learn the lessons of both games last week, and I think the team leader, Jimmy Butler, is too strong to let the team be dopey mopes.

But will Jimmy play? Will Kendrick Nunn? We know Justise Winslow will not. We know Udonis Haslam will not. Chris Silva is in frigging Rapid City or wherever our G-League team is. Will Goran Dragic play? The "Heat" is short-manned and hard-capped. If they're to get it done tonight it's gonna get done as an outmanned team. And now, beware of rashness. Beware of rashness, and Get on my lads!

The New York Times Editorial Board is lost without a compass. Those questions, the two-headed endorsement: lost, so lost they are unaware that they are lost; insulated, bloated, rudderless, indecisive, it is embarrassing the rest of the newspaper. 

Trump Tied Ukraine Aid to Inquiries He Sought, Bolton Book Says

WASHINGTON — President Trump told his national security adviser in August that he wanted to continue freezing $391 million in security assistance to Ukraine until officials there helped with investigations into Democrats including the Bidens, according to an unpublished manuscript by the former adviser, John R. Bolton.

TrumPutin

Kobe Bryant, GiGi Bryant. January 26, 2020

DWade

@DwyaneWade

Nooooooooooo God please No!

2:50 PM · Jan 26, 2020·Twitter for iPhone

The New York Times is asking the Democrats questions again.

THE QUESTIONS
1.How would you handle a general-election debate against Trump? [like an MMA match]
2.Do you think the United States is a racist country? [Yes]
3.Do you think the next administration will need to investigate President Trump or members of his family? [No, they'll all be home in Mother Russia by then.]
4.What attributes would you look for in a running mate? [That (s)he not be my mate.]
5.Who is one foreign leader you admire? [Barack Obama]
6.What is the most important thing foreign leaders should know about you? [That I don't hang with people.]
7.Do you see Saudi Arabia as a U.S. ally? [No.]
8.Does the United States have a role to play in Hong Kong? [No.]
9.What is the most urgent economic challenge facing the United States today? [Capitalism.]
10.By what year do you think the U.S. needs to cut its carbon emissions to zero? [2020...No, 2021.]
11.Should vaping products be legal? [Only if we don't cut the price of generic nicotine gum.]
12.Would it be important to you to get Republican support for your agenda? [I'll just ask Putin.]
13.How would you judge whether your presidency was a success or a failure? [By whether I win the civil war.]
14.How would you make sure no one in your family tries to profit off your administration? [By not having a family.]
15.What is the last book you read? [The Canterbury Tales.]
16.Do you have a celebrity crush? [Yes, the Wife of Bath.]
17.Do you have a bad habit? [Do I get extended space to answer?]
18.What do you think your 18-year-old self would think of you now? [Old.]
19.What has been the most memorable moment of the campaign for you, so far? [Announcing.]
20.Do you think Barack Obama made any mistakes as president? [Who?]

Kobe Bryant, Daughter, 13, Three Others, Killed in Helicopter Crash

The "Heat" are 7-6 in their last 13; 6-4 in the last 10, 4-4 last 8, 1-1 last two. MIDDLESBROUGH! Although I tracked the last two games very closely I didn't recognize until today the common forest to both stands of trees. This is it:

On January 22, Washington went on a 19-3 run in the first 4:54 of the 3Q. Coach Erik Spoelstra was so disgusted he pulled the entire starting five at once.

On January 24, LAC went on a 15-0 run in the last 3:08 of the 3Q. Spo was so desperate he played Dion Waiters all but one minute of the 4Q.

On January 22 Bradley Beal had 11 points in the 1H. He finished with 38 on 16/24, including 5' of OT.

On January 24 Kawhi Leonard was 2/11 shooting in the 1H. He finished with 33 points and the first 3W of his career. He shot 7/11 in the 2H.

Two teams, with nearly mirror image records, completely erasing significant-to-overwhelming half time deficits in under 5' of the 3Q. Both games in Miami. Both close games, one a three-point OT win, the other a five-point loss.

Small sample size, yeah. But primacy--the last two games. And in the context of the larger sample size of 8, 10, 13 games. Are opposing coaches figuring the "Heat" out? A complete reversal in the 3Q signals one thing in sport: one coach made adjustments at halftime, the other did not. Scott Brooks and Doc Rivers are damn good coaches. So is Erik Spoelstra. All three have been to the NBA Finals, Doc and Spo winning titles, Brooks losing to the "Heat". You can't say Brooks and Rivers are better coaches than Spoelstra. You can't say D.C.'s players are better than Miami's. Maybe you can say LAC has better players just with Kawhi Leonard, even without Paul George. You can't say all three teams have about the same record. So what can you say? Can you say what Doc said after the "Clippers" win?

Rivers lauded Leonard for patiently waiting out Miami's trapping schemes.
"It's like he was a boxer," Rivers said. "He just kind of took his time until he could throw punches."

Waited out Miami's trapping schemes: That's a 2H coaching adjustment. A "trapping scheme" in basketball is a close-to-the-basket "help" defense where weak (opposite to the ball) side defender moves to the strong side to "help," like the classic double-team. Any help defense (i.e. every defense except man-to-man) is going to leave an offensive player open. The trap is designed to force the offense away from the basket.

Miami's trap worked to perfection in the first half of both games. The "Heat" led by 19 over D.C. and by 7 over LAC. The trap limited Kawhi to 2/11 shooting and the open "Clippers" didn't make the "Heat" pay by hitting their shots. Then Kawhi went full Kawhi in the 3Q, 16 points. Something happened, but you cannot say Kawhi "waited out" Miami. He took the same number of shots in both halves, made only two in the first, seven in the second.

A deep dive into the play-by-play shows that what set Kawhi free were LAC's wings making treys, therefore breaking the "Heat" trap. The "Clips" made ten threes in the quarter, seven before the 15-0 run. Landry-Fucking Shamet, a season 9.7 per game scorer, had four treys before the run! "Patrick" "Patterson," 5 ppg, had ten points--before the run--including two treys. That'll set you free.

In the third quarters of both games however, literally more often than not the guy left open by the trap was beyond the arc and drained the shot. And it wasn't the shooting stars, Kawhi and Bradley Beal, who killed the "Heat" in those quarters it was the dopes like Landry Shamet, Patrick Patterson, some guy named Green, another somebody named Williams, for the "Clippers"; little, battered, washed up Isaiah Thomas (two treys) and some guy named "Bonga" (1) for D.C. (Beal had one trey, also). Scott Brooks certainly didn't "wait out" a -19, like a boxer fighting rope-a-dope. No. But Brooks did make the same adjustment to key D.C.'s run that Doc Rivers did: shoot threes. During D.C.'s 19-3, 12 of those 19 points came on four made treys. During LAC's 15-0 run to close the 3Q, 9 came on treys.

Maybe in a sense both D.C.and LAC did "wait out" the  trap, that is, maybe the "Heat" players got physically tired in the third quarters from trapping and the opposing team wittingly or not was playing rope-a-dope with them. Or maybe the opposing long-distance bombers got their bearings straight in the 3Q of both games. In either case the operation was successful but the patient died. You can say in these last two games anyway the "Heat" trapped themselves to death.

What you can say beyond that is that in the last thirteen games, a meaningful sample size, the "Heat" have been residing on 8th Street in the middle of Middlesbrough, as they did the three full seasons prior.

Impatient Morning pushes lazy Night out of bed.

Tape Made Public of Trump Discussing Ukraine With Donors

WASHINGTON — For more than an hour one evening in 2018, President Trump sat around a dinner table in a private suite in his Washington hotel with a group of donors, including two men at the center of the impeachment inquiry, talking about golf, trade, politics — and removing the United States ambassador to Ukraine.

The conversation, captured on a recording made public Saturday, contradicted Mr. Trump’s repeated statements that he does not know the two men, Lev Parnas and Igor Fruman, who went on to work with the president’s personal lawyer Rudolph W. Giuliani to carry out a pressure campaign on Ukraine.

The  recording — a video shot on Mr. Fruman’s phone during the dinner in April 2018 — largely confirmed Mr. Parnas’s account of having raised with Mr. Trump criticisms of the ambassador to Kyiv at the time, Marie L. Yovanovitch, and the president’s immediate order that Ms. Yovanovitch should be removed from the post.

“Get rid of her,” Mr. Trump can be heard responding.

The recording was made public by Mr. Parnas’s lawyer, Joseph A. Bondy, hours after the president’s lawyers began presenting their defense in the impeachment trial and as Democrats looked for leverage to persuade Republicans to support their calls to expand the inquiry by introducing additional evidence and calling new witnesses.

Mr. Bondy said it was being released in “an effort to provide clarity to the American people and the Senate as to the need to conduct a fair trial, with witnesses and evidence.”

In the recording, Mr. Parnas, who is the more talkative of the two, broached an energy deal the two were pursuing in Ukraine, and then went on to discuss several themes that later became central to the pressure campaign. He claimed that Ms. Yovanovitch, whose name he did not cite, had been disparaging Mr. Trump. He said that the Ukrainians “were supporting the Clintons all these years.” He even mentioned in passing the family of the former Vice President Joseph R. Biden Jr.

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/01/25/us/politics/trump-ukraine-donors.html

The End of Trumpington

Thus soundly beaten was the proude Simpkin of Trumpington,
And as a gelding hat ylost the gryndynge.
Of Alain, and of John, that beate hym weel.
His wife swyved, and his doghter as well;
Thus it befalls Simpkin the cheat.
And therfore is this proverb seyd ful truth,
"An evil end to a man who dooth evil, forsooth."
The cheater shall himself well cheated be.
Thus have I repeated this tale to thee.

Doghter's Delit In the Knyghte's Dight

Alain grew weary in the grey dawning,
For he had laboured hard through all the night;
And said: "Farewell, now, Ivanka, sweet delight!
The day is come, I may no longer dight;
But evermore, whether I walk or ride,
I am your own knyghte, and swyved you weel."
       "Now, sweetheart," said she, "go and Godspeed!
Thank ye for priking my queynte hard and depe.
And, darling, may God save you now and keep!"
And with that word she almost had to weep.

         Alain arose and thought: "Before it is dawn,
I will go creep in softly by friend John."
And found the bedde quickly thereupon.
And caught him round the neck, and softly spake,
Saying: "You, John, you carpet knyghte, awake!
And hear a noble game,
For by Saint James, thryce, no lasse,
In this shorte nyght
Dight I lasse Ivanka on her back
Deyntie feete to the ceiling*,
Kicking and screaming!
Moaning and writhing!
In delite and soore from my sowing and seeding.
I quench her fyr,
Sate her appetyte and swyvve her
A queynte healing al throughe the nyghte.

*Plies

Wyfe's Mistake Made Goode

And on this goode wyf Melanie he leith on soore.
No such myrie time hadde she in yoore
He priketh harde and depe as he did rape.
This joly good time thise two knyghtes made.

Good Wyf Melanie's Mistake Due To Drink

This John lay still for a short time, or so,
Pitied himself and lamented for all his woe.
"Alas," said he, "this is a wicked jape!
Now may I say that I am but a rake.
Yet has my friend, there, something for his harms;
He has the daughter Ivanka in his arms.
I will arise and chance it, by my faith!
'Unhardy is unhappy,' as they say."
And up he rose, and softly then he went

     Soon after this the wyf Melanie no longer snored,
But woke and rose and went outside to piss,
And came again and did her bed miss,
And groped round, here and there, but found it not.
"Alas!" thought she, "my way I have forgot.
I nearly found myself in the knyghte's bed.
And, groping a bit farther with her hand,
She found the bed, and thought of nothing but good,
And knew not where she was, for it was nighte;
But calmly then she crept in by the knyghte,
And lay right still, and would have gone to sleep.
But within a moment this John the knyghte did leap,

The Knyghte's Lawe

Alain, who heard this melody,
He poked at John and said: "Asleep? But how?
Have you ever heard such a noice before now?
Lo, what a compline is among them all!
A wilde fyr on their bodies fall!
They shall have the fleur du mal.
Through this long night there'll be for me no rest;
But never mind, 'twill all be for the best.
For, John," said he, "as ever I'll take my luck,
As, if I can, that very wench I'll fuck.
Some compensation the law allows to us;
For, John, there is a lawe which says thus,
That if a man in one point be aggrieved,
Yet in another shall he be relieved.
Our gere is stolen, there's no denial to that,
An evil time all this day we had.
But since I may not have amending, now,
Against my loss I'll set some fun - and how!
By God's great soul it shall not be otherwise!"

       This John replied: "Alain, let me advise.
Simpkin is a dangerous man," he said,
"And if he be awakened, I'm afraid
He may well do us both an injury."
       But Alain said: "I count him not a flea."
And up he rose and to the doghter he crept.
This wench lay on her back and soundly slept,
Until he'd come so near, before she might spy,
It was too late to struggle then, or cry;
And, to be brief, these two were soon at one.
Now play, Alain! For I will speak of John.

Too Much Drink in Trumpington

 

 Well had Simpkin vanished in his head,
For pale he was of drinking.
To bed he went, his wife Melanie and he together.
She was as jolly as a jay in feather,
And copiously was her Venus chamber wet,
Handy for rocking and for giving suck.
But Simpkin lay snoring and ignoring Melanie in bed.
And when they'd drunk up all there was in crock,
To bed went Simpkin's doghter, Ivanka, and thereupon
To bed went Alain and to bed went John.
No sleeping drug was needed.
Simpkin had drunk so much ale
And his wyf went unheeded
That, like a horse, he snorted in his sleep,
His wife, Melanie, joined in his chorus, and so strong,
Men might have heard her snores a full furlong;
And the doghter, Ivanka, as well, for company.

 "Now, Simpkin," said John, "by Saint Cuthbert's beard,
You're always myrie and have well answered.
As I've heard, man shall take one of two things:
Such as he finds, or take such as he brings.
But specially, I pray you, mine host dear,
Give us some meat and drink and some good cheer,
And we will pay you, truly, to the full.
With empty hand no man takes hawk or gull;
Well, here's our silver, ready to be spent."
       Simpkin to the town his daughter sent
For ale and bread, and roasted them a goose,
And tied their donkey, that it might not go loose;

And then in his own chamber made a bed,
With sheets and with good blankets fairly spread,
Not from his bed more than ten feet or twelve.
The daughter Ivanka had a bed all by herself,
In the same chamber with them, by and by;
It could not well be improved, and for why?
There was no larger lodging in the place.
They ate and talked, and gained some small solace,
And drank strong ale, that evening, of the best.
Then about midnight all they went to rest.

Those callow knyghtes went running up and down
With "Look out! Halt! Halt! here! 'Ware the rear!
Go whistle, you, and I will watch him here!"
But briefly, it wasn't until night
They could not, though they put forth all their might,
That horse to catch, he always ran so fast,
Till in a ditch they trapped him at the last.

Weary and wet, as beast is in the rain,
Came John and with him Alain.
"Alas," said John, "the day that I was born!
Now are we bound toward mockery and scorn.
Our gere is stolen, folk will call us fools,
The fellawes at the schools,
And specially this Simpkin. What a day!"
Thus John complained as he went on his way
Toward the Whit House, with the donkey once more bound.
Simpkin sitting by the fire they found,
For it was night, and farther could they go not;
But, for the love of God, they him besought
For shelter and for supper, for their penny.

       Simpkin said to them: "If there be any,
Such as it is, that you shall have your part.
My house is small, but you have learned your art;
You can, by metaphysics, make a place
In twenty feet of space.
Let us see now if this place will suffice,
Or make more room by some device."

Radix malorum est cupiditas

The wife came running from the house, and then
She said: "Alas! Your donkey went to the fen,
With the wild mares, as fast as he could go.
A curse lies on the hand that tied him so,
And him that better should have knit the reins!"
"Alas!" said John, "Alain, for Jesus' pains,
Lay down your sword, and I will mine also;
I am as fleet, God knows, as is a roe;
By God's heart, he shall not escape us both!


These goode knyghtes began to run and roll
Toward the marshes, both Alain and John.
And when Simpkin saw that they were gone,
He their gere did take
And bade his wife hide it away.
He said: "Those knyghtes some trickery never feared;
For all their learning; let them go away from here.
Look where they go, yea, let the children play,
They'll catch him not so easily, on my crown!"

Simpkin straight went back and no word said,
But does his business and with the knyghtes played,
Until their meal was fairly, well-made.
But when the meal was over
And the knyghtes weel sated
This John went out, to find his donkey away,
And so he cried: "Hello!" and "Weladay!
Our donkey is lost! Alain, for God's bones
Get to your feet, come out, man, now, at once!
Alas, our donkey's gone and lost!"
This Alain forgot all, meal, and cost,
Clean out of mind was all his cautiousness and care,
"What? Which way did he go?" he cried. "Where?"

Out of the door Simpkin went, then, secretly,
When he saw his chance, and quietly;
He looked up and looked down, until he found
The knyghtes donkey where it stood, securely bound.
And to the donkey he went, then, still unseen;
He took the bridle off him and at once,
When the said horse was free and saw his chance,
Toward the fen, for wild mares ran therein,
And with a 'whinny' he went, through thick and thin.

Simpkin of Trumpington and the Knightes Donkey

 "Alain! Welcome," said Simpkin, "by my life,
And John also. Now? What do you do here?"
       "Simpkin," said John, "by God, need makes no peer;
He must himself serve who's no servant, eh?
And therefore am I come here with Alain
To get our meal and carry it home again;
I pray you spare us much as you can and may."

"It shall be done," said Simpkin, "by my faith.
What will you do the while it is in hand?"
       "By God, right by the gate of the House will I stand,"
Said John

Simpkin smiled at this, their simplicity,
And thought: "All this is done but for a wile;
They think there is no man may them beguile;
But, by my skill, I will yet blur their eyes,
With all the tricks in my philosophy.
The more odd tricks and stratagems I make,
The more I'll steal when I begin to take.

Thanne were ther yonge povre knyghtes
Who challenged the knave
Willful they were and cunnig in their play,
And boldly they chuckled,
They'd risk their neck,
And make of Simpkin a cokewold
That he not steal another elect.

John was the oon, and Aleyn that oother;
This Aleyn maketh redy al his gere,
And on a donkey they cast off.
With good swerd and with buckler by their syde.
John knew the wey, - hem nedede no gyde, -
And at the Whit House they dropped their sacks
Aleyn spak first, "Al hayl, Simpkin, y-fayth!
Hou fares thy faire doghter and thy wyf?"

Large tolls this knave took, beyond a doubt,
From all the lands about;
And on a day it happened,
The president's term ended
Whereon this Simpkin stole the vote
And all the land about.
A hundredfold more than he used to cheat before;
For theretofore he stole but cautiously,
But now he was a thief outrageously,
At which the gaylers scolded and raised hell;
The scooundrel snapped his fingers, truth to tell,
And bluffed and boosted and denied it all.

For jealous folk are dangerous, you know,
At least they'd have their wives to think them so.
Besides, because she was a lusty bitch,
She was as high as water in a ditch;
And full of disdain and full of sneering.

A daughter had they got between the two,
Of twenty-some years, and no more children, no,
Except a boy that was eleven years old;
This girl well developed was,
With nose tip-tilted and eyes blue as glass,
With buttocks broad, and breasts round and high,
Right fair was her hair, I will not lie.

At TRUMPINGTON,
There goes the brook Potomac,
And over that a bridge,
Where Night Riders ride.
Upon the side,
A Whit House stands,
And this is very truth that I to you tell.
A scoundrel was there dwelling, many and many a day;
As any peacock he was proud and gay.

Ay by his belt he did parade
A sword with a long dangerous blade.
But in his pocket he had only a pretty knife;
For in truth he was a geldyng,
But no man dared to touch him, on loss of life.
A long knife from Sheffield he carried in his hose;
Round was his face and turned-up was his nose.
As empty as any ape's was his skull;
He was a quarrelsome braggard to the full.
No man dared a hand on him to lay,
Because he swore he'd make the man pay.
A thief he was, it's true,
And sly at that, accustomed well to steal.
A cult of me was about him too,
He was known as an arrogant Simpkin.

A wife he had who came of gentle kin;
She had been bred as in a nunnery;
Or so Simpkin said,
For Simpkin would not have a wife,
Unless she were a virgin
And nay posed nude in a bed.
And she was proud and bold as a magpie cock.

On holy days before her Simpkin would go
With a broad fur hat about his head;
And she came after in a skirt of red,
No man dared to call her aught but 'lady';
Nor was there one so hardy, in the way,
That dared flirt with her or attempt to play,
Unless he wanted to be slain by Simpkin the Swagger
With cutlass or with knife or with a dagger.

Chaucer, The Reeve's Tale

Simpkin of Trumpington

Apologia*

Every gentle soul, I pray
That for God's love you'll hold not what I say
Evilly meant, but that I must retell
The tale, the better and the worse,
Or else prove false to my design.

Therefore, who likes not this, let him,
Turn over page and choose another post:
For he shall find enough, both great and small,
Of stories touching on gentility,
And holiness, and on morality;
And blame not me if you do choose this amiss.
This man was a scoundrel, you well know this;
So was pence, and many another more,
And ribaldry they told from plenteous store.
Be then advised, and hold me free from blame;
Men should not be too serious at a game.

*For and from Geoffrey Chaucer, The Miller's Tale

Often Wrong, Alway Certain (Sometimes Right)

Rivers lauded Leonard for patiently waiting out Miami's trapping schemes.

"It's like he was a boxer," Rivers said. "He just kind of took his time until he could throw punches."

-AP for ESPN

I was thinking in the shower just now and the previous post felt too bromidal, you know, "it's only one game," yada. A team is what its record says it is: that's true. That applies to all teams, therefore to both teams tonight. Tonight's game matched two teams with near identical records, Miami 31-13, LAC 31-14. Both teams were as good as their records. The game was played in Miami where the "Heat" were 21-1.You would therefore predict that the game would go nip-and-tuck the whole way as it did for two and three-quarters quarters. But it did not. LAC blew it open and that brings up Ira Winderman's hypothetical "argument" that "The "Heat" are not as good as their record." That argument is non-sensical, it is anti-tautological. Understood however as a predictor of future success (or lack), it can be true and it was true tonight. Before tonight, Miami was winning at a 70.4% pace. You can neither take that reality after 44 games, apply it to 82 games and say Miami is going to win 57 games or take Miami's record in tonight's game, 0-1, apply the .000 winning percentage to the remaining games and say Miami is going to finish 31-51. We are left with this: There is no way that a 31-14 team blows out a 31-13 team on the loser's floor. Those two teams were not "really" separated by a mere half-game. LAC is much the better team.

When the game started getting tight I was powerfully reminded of Miami's first-ever playoff series. They got in as a sub-.500 team. Their reward was to face the Chicago "Bulls" of Michael Jordan, Scottie Pippen, Bill Cartwright, I think Horace Grant, if not, Dennis Rodman. Chicago won the first two games in Chi sleep-walking. Came the third game in Miami. I was there. Miami had like a 20-point lead in the first half. The fucking old Miami Arena was coming apart from the noise. I can still see in my mind's eye Chicago with the body language of being unphased. They went on to win that game.

Tonight when I started following the game I saw that Miami had jumped out to an eight-point lead after the first quarter. When I first checked it was seven points or whatever my post said it was. It then got tighter, Miami would recover, LAC would make it tighter, it was like LAC would score three points to Miami's two on every possession and the half ended as only a two-point "Heat" lead. I didn't watch the game tonight but it read to me like LAC wanted to size this bright new thing up. Lemme let 'em take their shot, I want to see how hard they hit. Boy they hit pretty hard! We're down a touchdown and PAT after one. And then, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, LAC tentatively at first, then more assertively--now knowing what Miami had--began crawling and then galloping back into it. Three-quarters way through the third they floored it and left the "Heat" in their dust.

If the immediately above is true then LAC are far superior to Miami, records be damned. And as I read the box score and a bit of the play-by-play there is nothing obvious that says this was aberrational. The "Heat" were without Justise of course, were still with UD of course, and didn't have Goran and Special K tonight and Jimmy did turn his ankle twice and get poked in the eye once (he left in the 4th Q), which is a lot and sounds like a lot but they haven't had Justise all year, have had UD all year, have not had the Dragon for every game and the "Heat" did make it competitive at the end, not just subs against subs either, "really": Dion hit a three :34 left to make it a 3-point game and they lost 122-117 but the "Clippers" were without Paul George and Patrick Beverley and none of that on the "Heat" side taken explains

15-0,

LAC's run in the third quarter that blew it open. No: That was not caused by injuries or by Dion playing or me observing, the Los Angeles "Clippers" are a much better team than the Miami "Heat" and will be for the rest of the season. Full stop.

It is unlikely that Miami lost its last game tonight; it is unlikely that Miami won its last game Wednesday night against D.C. but between those two extremes the "Heat" are closer to the latter than the former, and closer to D.C. (32.6 win %) than to LAC (68.9%). They will finish between the two, duh, but Miami management will take tonight's game very seriously. Do they "really" have the personnel to win 57 games? I think not. I think "Heat" management thinks not. That was Ira Winderman's hypothetical argument. If management "really" thinks that then they will make a trade. I don't think they will make a trade and that might be a mistake, as it was in 2016/17. Or not. Good night.