My favorite clients as a criminal defense attorney were Haitian-Americans. Honest to God, I didn't have one who wasn't a wonderful person. One has text messaged me "Good morning Uncle" every day for years. I love the Haitian people who are in the United States Which is going to sound schizoid with this:

You are not getting U.S. troops; and you are not coming to the U.S.

Haiti has never had its act together. NEVER. The country has gotten billions of dollars in aid from the United Nations and the West, including of course the United States. To no effect. Haiti has got to take care of itself, especially in military and policing. What do you mean calling for the U.S. to send troops to your country?! Get the fuck out of here. FIX your own damn country. Lord. 

And you're not coming here, not in any greater numbers than pre-assassination U.S. immigration law quotas allotted you! This is not a humanitarian crisis, this is a political crisis. Go ahead, try coming by flotilla. The closest thing you're going to see to the U.S. military is the troop transport ships that send you right back. DO NOT FLEE YOUR FUCKING COUNTRY! Stay, and once in your history, FIX IT. We in the U.S. know something about assassinations of presidents you know what I mean? We must lead the league in presidential assassinations. We turn to our Constitution in a political crisis. Your problem is.

The country has two constitutions, neither of which tap the interim prime minister to take over. The first one, published in 1987, says the country’s most senior judge should step in. In 2012, however, it was amended to say that if there’s a vacancy in the last year of a president’s term, the Parliament should vote for a provisional president.

Unfortunately, the Constitution was amended in one of the country’s official languages, French, but not in the other, Creole. So as it stands, the country has two constitutions.

STAY: Write ONE Constitution. Publish it in TWO languages. No! Publish it in FIFTEEN languages to cover your bases: French, Creole, English, Spanish, Swedish, Portuguese, Russian, Italian, German, Swahili, Indian, Chinese, that's twelve, I can't think of any more languages, GET THREE MORE ON YOUR OWN! Oh, Japanese, Vietnamese, Erdu. I think Erdu is a language...It's not even a word. Okay HOLD ON, I'll think of one more. GREEK! There you go, fifteen. NOW DO IT.