Auburn students have a tradition after their football team wins a game. They drape toilet paper over oak trees...No, that is really what they do. Yes, some of them are sophomores...at a place on the campus called Toomer's Corner. The last time that Auburn defeated Alabama was in 2010. Cue the toilet paper.

The above individual is "Harvey Updyke." He is a former law enforcement officer. He is an Alabama football Fanatic although he was never a student at Alabama. -Pause- I wrote a draft of a post in 2011 in which I imagined that I had a friend from China who was staying with Carmen and me and who was about to go out and explore America a la Tocqueville. He wanted me to explain to him, through an interpreter, some things that he had seen in the newspapers. Updyke was one of them. It was a long post. It got to be so long that I got frustrated and abandoned it.-End pause-Updyke is such an Alabama football fanatic that he named one of his daughters "Crimson Tyde," which is Alabama's nickname ("Tide") which I don't know the reason for, which I therefore couldn't explain to my mythical Chinese visitor, which was one of the reasons the draft got so long and I got frustrated. And I think Updyke named another daughter in honor of the university but I don't remember what, except that it was not "Elephant," which is what Updyke is wearing on his head, which is the symbol or mascot for the "Crimson Tide," which I also don't know the reason for and which I could not therefore explain to the Chinese guy and yeah. After Auburn defeated the "Crimson Tyde Elephants" in 2010 Updyke poisoned the  Toomer's Corner oak trees (they of the toilet paper) killing some of them...No, Honest Injun, he did that. Updyke was arrested and prosecuted and I think convicted although I believe his lawyers raised the insanity defense which sounded pretty good to me. Before this year's Alabama-Auburn game Updyke, who has a Facebook account, wrote the following:

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