Shaken.

It was 52 degrees and drizzling in England's Second City today. Perfect weather only for swans. God's Righteous Team of Angels in Blue did not cover themselves in His glory today; truth be told Swansea deserved a draw but a Yaya Toure rocket glanced off Kelechi Iheanacho in stoppage time and the Angels prevailed 2-1.

I don't even know where Bournemouth is.

GOAL! Bournemouth 1-0 Manchester United (Stanislas 2)

Straight from a corner!

2 mins: Well holy hell. It’s bloody windy out there, and Stanislas whips an inswinging corner over from the left, the gust catches it and De Gea misjudges it, can only get a fingertip to the ball and it flies into the top corner. What a start!

The wind blew it in! "Well holy hell," hilarious commentary by The Guardian's correspondent.

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16 mins: “Is there no end to the arrogance of the supporters of the European minnows who are visiting the ‘Vitality Stadium’ this evening?” writes Lou Roper. “Bournemouth have an injury list that is almost as long as United’s, including record signing Mings.”

In fairness, I don’t think you’ll find too many United fans being arrogant at the moment.

Ah, good ol' Vitality Stadium, right. The "Bucs" went to Vitality Stadium and got shaken and stirred.

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Half-time: Bournemouth 1-1 Manchester United

Peeeeeeeeeeep.

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GOAL! Bournemouth 2-1 Manchester United (King 54)

Well, well, well

54 mins: Scenes! Ritchie goes for a low corner into the box, choosing not to use the strong wind, and it turns out to be a wise choice, as he finds King around eight yards out, completely free, and he turns it home.

This guy is good, The Guardian guy.

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71 mins: Oh my, the game should be over. A colossal hole opens in the United defence when Blind (him again) goes walkabout, and Murray finds himself in some space. He artfully shuffles around McNair, the goal is at his mercy but just as the words “...he’s a great finisher!” tumble from Martin Tyler’s mouth, Murray hoys the thing well over the bar.

73 mins: Murray again! Bournemouth try another low corner, this time from the right, a clearance at the near post is muffed and it finds the striker about eight yards out - again he swings his left boot, and again he sticks the thing in the stands.

"Sticks the thing in the stands"! 

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87 mins: Bournemouth are about to follow up beating Chelsea by beating Manchester United. What a world.

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Full-time: Bournemouth 2-1 Manchester United

Oh my.

Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well.