With Cormac properly deposited in the trash chute of history and still without a replacement (makes me scared) the undersigned randomly pulled an old book off the shelves, Nixon and Mao, and, as is his wont, randomly opened said Nixon and Mao and began reading again. And didn't want to stop. I had forgotten how completely fascinating China was to me. It was a joyful random opening, the near-war between the Soviet Union and China in 1969, which I realize sounds Cormacian but is not intended to be, it is not the near-war that is funny but the little incidents between the two countries that the author, Margaret Macmillan, relates. In two places on the same page I had written in the margins previously "LOL!"
Trouble started over a mudflat called Zhenbao (or Damansky) Island, in the Ussuri River...[Two conflicts later] Both sides claimed victory. The Chinese scornfully described the Soviet soldiers as "politically degenerated and morally decadent." Their own soldiers, they said, "armed with Mao Zedong Thought," [:)] had easily dealt with the Soviet tanks. The Americans, though, got intelligence that the Soviets had plastered the island with heavy artillery fire, leaving nothing but a pockmarked surface. [It's the Thought that counts but how about some Mao Zedong artillery in addition?] The Chinese tried to deliver a note of protest to the Soviet ambassador in Beijing. He refused to receive it. The Chinese threw the note over the Soviet embassy wall; the Soviets threw it back out. [The first "LOL!"]
The propaganda from both sides became highly emotional...Soviet commentators now described Maoism as "a criminal racist theory," and the Chinese responded with talk of wild beasts. [wild beasts! :) :)]
...
...both sides were left in a highly agitated state, each wondering what the other was up to...Members of the Soviet Politburo...were panicking: "A nightmare vision of invasion by millions of Chinese [The Yellow Hordes!]...Soviet hard-liners...: the time had come to deal with China once and for all. "Those squint-eyed bastards," the Soviet ambassador at the United Nations complained to American diplomats. [THE SOVIETS WERE SAYING THIS ABOUT THE CHINESE TO THE AMERICANS!!]"We'll kill those yellow sons-of-bitches." [CATO, YOU FOOL! WHAT FRESH ATTACK IS YOUR FIENDISH YELLOW BRAIN THINKING UP NOW!] Kosygin used a hot line for the first time in years to telephone Beijing, asking to speak to either Mao or Chou En-lai, but the Chinese operator refused to put through a call from a "scoundrel revisionist." [The second "LOL!"]
It all reads "so Cultural Revolution China" to me. And authentically Soviet, too! The Americans must have thought they had entered some twilight zone of reality. What must the Americans have thought when the Soviet ambassador PAUSE 1. SOVIET 2. AMBASSADOR. UNPAUSE tells them, THE AMERICANS, he wants to kill those squinty-eyed yellow sobs?! JESUS CHRIST!
The Soviets decided to attack! They really decided to attack China. It was to be a "limited" attack in Xinjiang Province. Now, that does not sound authentically Soviet to me. Russians don't do limited attacks, that is an American thing to do, Russians do unlimited attacks. They didn't attack so maybe Macmillan's information was wrong or, more likely for she seems a careful scholar, the situation eventually was deescalated. Eventually, but not immediately:
In August, a Soviet diplomat in Washington had lunch with an official from the State Department. What, the diplomat asked, would be the U.S. reaction if the Soviet Union were to bomb a Chinese nuclear facility? [I bet the reaction of this one State Department official at lunch was nearly to spit up his coffee. Can you imagine? "Booby, let us do the lunch." "Okay, Boris, how 'bout The Bear and Dragon at noon?"... "Booby, what you think we bomb yellow bastard nuke plant?"...Back at Foggy Bottom: "How was lunch with Boris, Bob?...Bob?"] The Americans picked up reports of similar queries to Warsaw Pact countries in Eastern Europe. ["Lech, what you think we bomb yellow bastard nuke plant?"]
The Nixon administration was seriously concerned.
...
There was something close to panic in Beijing that autumn
...
The Chinese waited anxiously. Perhaps the attack would come on October 1, China's National Day. [So China: the paranoia and the focus on symbolism.] Lin Biao ordered all planes in the Beijing area to be flown away, and obstacles were placed on the runways. When October 1 came and went, [OMG. Of course, right? Russians don't think like Chinese, it never entered the Soviets' minds to attack on a symbolic day. CATO, YOU FOOL!] the Chinese decided that October 20, when a Soviet delegation was due to arrive to start talking about the borders, might be the day. [Thinking like a Chinese I totally get why they would have thought Oct. 1. Thinking like a Chinese I could not conceive why they would think October 20 was the day when the Soviets own delegation would be vaporized.] What if the Soviet plane carried nuclear bombs rather than negotiators? [I am incapable of thinking that Chinese.] Mao and Lin Biao hastily left Beijing for the south. [Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho.]
...
And this is so Mao, he was steeped in the lessons of classical Chinese thinkers and had genius capacity for far-sighted thought:
That autumn, Mao asked his doctor to consider a problem: "We have the Soviet Union to the north and the west, India to the south, and Japan to the east. If all our enemies were to unite, attacking us from the north, south, east, and west, [The classical Chinese fear of encirclement.] what do you think we should do?" Dr. Li confessed that he was at a loss. "Think again," Mao said. "Beyond Japan is the United States. Didn't our ancestors counsel negotiating with faraway countries while fighting with those that are near?"
Indeed they did. Brilliant. And so when the Americans made their overture, Mao was already receptive.
Trouble started over a mudflat called Zhenbao (or Damansky) Island, in the Ussuri River...[Two conflicts later] Both sides claimed victory. The Chinese scornfully described the Soviet soldiers as "politically degenerated and morally decadent." Their own soldiers, they said, "armed with Mao Zedong Thought," [:)] had easily dealt with the Soviet tanks. The Americans, though, got intelligence that the Soviets had plastered the island with heavy artillery fire, leaving nothing but a pockmarked surface. [It's the Thought that counts but how about some Mao Zedong artillery in addition?] The Chinese tried to deliver a note of protest to the Soviet ambassador in Beijing. He refused to receive it. The Chinese threw the note over the Soviet embassy wall; the Soviets threw it back out. [The first "LOL!"]
The propaganda from both sides became highly emotional...Soviet commentators now described Maoism as "a criminal racist theory," and the Chinese responded with talk of wild beasts. [wild beasts! :) :)]
...
...both sides were left in a highly agitated state, each wondering what the other was up to...Members of the Soviet Politburo...were panicking: "A nightmare vision of invasion by millions of Chinese [The Yellow Hordes!]...Soviet hard-liners...: the time had come to deal with China once and for all. "Those squint-eyed bastards," the Soviet ambassador at the United Nations complained to American diplomats. [THE SOVIETS WERE SAYING THIS ABOUT THE CHINESE TO THE AMERICANS!!]"We'll kill those yellow sons-of-bitches." [CATO, YOU FOOL! WHAT FRESH ATTACK IS YOUR FIENDISH YELLOW BRAIN THINKING UP NOW!] Kosygin used a hot line for the first time in years to telephone Beijing, asking to speak to either Mao or Chou En-lai, but the Chinese operator refused to put through a call from a "scoundrel revisionist." [The second "LOL!"]
It all reads "so Cultural Revolution China" to me. And authentically Soviet, too! The Americans must have thought they had entered some twilight zone of reality. What must the Americans have thought when the Soviet ambassador PAUSE 1. SOVIET 2. AMBASSADOR. UNPAUSE tells them, THE AMERICANS, he wants to kill those squinty-eyed yellow sobs?! JESUS CHRIST!
The Soviets decided to attack! They really decided to attack China. It was to be a "limited" attack in Xinjiang Province. Now, that does not sound authentically Soviet to me. Russians don't do limited attacks, that is an American thing to do, Russians do unlimited attacks. They didn't attack so maybe Macmillan's information was wrong or, more likely for she seems a careful scholar, the situation eventually was deescalated. Eventually, but not immediately:
In August, a Soviet diplomat in Washington had lunch with an official from the State Department. What, the diplomat asked, would be the U.S. reaction if the Soviet Union were to bomb a Chinese nuclear facility? [I bet the reaction of this one State Department official at lunch was nearly to spit up his coffee. Can you imagine? "Booby, let us do the lunch." "Okay, Boris, how 'bout The Bear and Dragon at noon?"... "Booby, what you think we bomb yellow bastard nuke plant?"...Back at Foggy Bottom: "How was lunch with Boris, Bob?...Bob?"] The Americans picked up reports of similar queries to Warsaw Pact countries in Eastern Europe. ["Lech, what you think we bomb yellow bastard nuke plant?"]
The Nixon administration was seriously concerned.
...
There was something close to panic in Beijing that autumn
...
The Chinese waited anxiously. Perhaps the attack would come on October 1, China's National Day. [So China: the paranoia and the focus on symbolism.] Lin Biao ordered all planes in the Beijing area to be flown away, and obstacles were placed on the runways. When October 1 came and went, [OMG. Of course, right? Russians don't think like Chinese, it never entered the Soviets' minds to attack on a symbolic day. CATO, YOU FOOL!] the Chinese decided that October 20, when a Soviet delegation was due to arrive to start talking about the borders, might be the day. [Thinking like a Chinese I totally get why they would have thought Oct. 1. Thinking like a Chinese I could not conceive why they would think October 20 was the day when the Soviets own delegation would be vaporized.] What if the Soviet plane carried nuclear bombs rather than negotiators? [I am incapable of thinking that Chinese.] Mao and Lin Biao hastily left Beijing for the south. [Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho.]
...
And this is so Mao, he was steeped in the lessons of classical Chinese thinkers and had genius capacity for far-sighted thought:
That autumn, Mao asked his doctor to consider a problem: "We have the Soviet Union to the north and the west, India to the south, and Japan to the east. If all our enemies were to unite, attacking us from the north, south, east, and west, [The classical Chinese fear of encirclement.] what do you think we should do?" Dr. Li confessed that he was at a loss. "Think again," Mao said. "Beyond Japan is the United States. Didn't our ancestors counsel negotiating with faraway countries while fighting with those that are near?"
Indeed they did. Brilliant. And so when the Americans made their overture, Mao was already receptive.
