Oh Crap, It Looks Like Europa’s Surface Is Covered With Gigantic Shards of Ice
So?
...it won’t be easy to land spacecraft there: Its surface seems to be littered with icy spikes, the tallest of which measure five stories high.
Oh!
I don't see the problem, it looks like a photograph of Kim Kardashian's ass with varicose veins. Land between the veins, the stretch marks, whatever. Land where there isn't any red. Her asshole would be right off the photograph at bottom, no? That big red rash at top is caused by friction of her spandex pants against her skin when she goes commando I am getting the hang of this astrophysics thing.
OH! That does not look inviting. That is in Chile (Chill-ay) and those are penitentes (PEN-E-TENT-EES). You get them on your ass when you wear spandex whilst not wearing panties (PAN-TEES). Sort of like pimples with spikes. 'Cept the ones on Europa are up to five stories tall!
To date, the resolution of photographs taken of Europa’s surface hasn’t been fine enough to show the penitentes, so they remain hypothetical. [Oh, now you tell me.] That said, [I HATE that. The "That said" thing. HATE it.] computer models run by Hobley and his colleagues strongly support their presence...According to the models, Europa’s penitentes are capable of growing to around 50 feet tall (15 meters), with a spacing of about 25 feet (7.5 meters) between each one. [Ooh, that is a tight fit. Has a spacecraft ever penetrated Kim Kardashian's spandex and landed on her ass? Everything else has.]The icy spikes are likely to be more common around Europa’s equatorial regions...[Of course! That's where rashes are more likely duh so land on one of the poles do I have to think of everything?]
Frigging Gizmodo man, strong tonight.
